Monday, January 28, 2013

My Casual Genius

   I posted this on Facebook today. Just sort of thinking out loud, I guess I was, so I typed it as I was thinking it.

the purpose of government is to take peoples' stuff and send them to jail or send them to death. if it did not do these things it would not exist because no other entity or apparatus does this. so therefore these tasks are not necessary to anyone or anything other than governments. so that is why governments exist. in order to do this. since no other entity does this or even considers doing this. so that is governments function. so only government does this. cause this is all it does. except for isolated criminals who also do this. and government. so government is collected criminals working in concert to take peoples' stuff and send them to jail and send them to death. people are convinced that without something large performing this function things will collapse and fall apart. after the Revolutionary war the suddenly-free americans realized that there was no large apparatus for taking peoples' stuff and sending them to jail and sending them to death. so they created a government. so now we have an entity taking peoples stuff and sending them to jail and sending them to death. these duties are guaranteed by the constitution. americans are convinced the constitution restricts government from doing these things.actually it just "limits" these activities. which is why we have limited confiscation of stuff, unless you're one of the people that they take all the stuff from,  and limited jail populations and limited death. it's limited to what is possible via manpower and what will not cause a civil war. civil war means it has moved too fast in taking peoples' stuff and sending them to jail and sending them to death. and so, barring civil war, every moment that passes, government's ability to do what government does is made more possible. which is why more stuff gets taken, more people go to jail and more people die "for their country." actually they are dying for their government, so that their government will not be taken-over by someone else's government. all of this is called "human political history." not to be confused with "human progress." the two are different and are mortal enemies. both cannot exist at the same time. thank you. you now understand global politics and 99% of human history. go in peace. and your mom's a whore. thank you again.

   Now, Facebook, of course, is inhabited by - basically - idiots. And the above remarks are a brilliantly short and thorough synopsis of the problem with human "society" for the entire 7,000 years of known human history. And you might be thinking, "Well, what do you hope to accomplish, posting something brilliant on a forum inhabited by idiots?"
   I guess because there's no forum for intelligent people. That would be my first guess, but it's probably more psychological, the reason. Call a shrink, send him over, maybe he can pinpoint it.

Back On Facebook

   As the two readers of this blog may have noticed there has been some suspension of the incredibly interesting articles on this blog all of a sudden. That is because my Facebook prison doors have been swung wide open and i have skipped and danced gayly and i do mean gayly back into the delightful and interesting world of Facebook where the sun always shines and kitten pictures are never more than a scrolling finger away. Where fat women encourage other fat women to hang in there with whatever meaningless activity they are engaged in when not eating donuts and when not yelling at the kids and where men talk about beer and football. The air is so fresh on Facebook, it smells like a deepfryer filled with sweaty gym socks. Yes! Right wingers, left wingers, everyone engaged in politics, in taking meds, and showing pictures of their below-average grand children. It's all there on Facebook and it never gets old. It just gets better.
    I have been allowed out of Facebook jail and have pranced back into the world of Facebook where fat wives pretend they are not fat and where fat husbands pretend they they are not fucking the 15 year old down the road or at least peeking in her window. It's a swell world, the Facebook world, and when I am in there all the other worlds I inhabit fade into the backround of disuse and meaninglessness. Only Obama and politics and videos of horrible bands prevail and that is where i belong: in the middle of Obama, politics, and horrible bands. It is where life makes sense. Or, as I put it earlier, "Yes!"

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

More NRA Snafu's

   Some dope named Jim Baker met with Biden today or yesterday or last Friday. Baker is the NRA's "federal guy." He is the einstein they have selected to personally interact with the administration and get the administration to "do the right thing." One of the right things Baker wants the feds to do is prosecute more gun law violations. Now, I know what you're saying: i do not have that right. And if you are an NRA member saying this you are saying this because you are stupid, as are all NRA members. But I do not have it wrong.
   Baker was upset because - this is Baker talking - he was upset because the feds want new gun laws even though they are not prosecuting violators of existing gun laws. Biden shrugged and said "We don't have time or the manpower." Baker said, aghast, then how can you want to be proposing even more laws?
   Now based on this exchange between two drooling morons you would have to conclude, if you are also a moron, "we should start prosecuting more and THEN write new laws." Which is in fact Baker's idea of the way things should go.
   Biden might be a moron but he is a cunning one and he will likely think this is a good suggestion, especially coming as it is from the NRA.
   It SHOULD make you wonder whose side Baker is on. Well, he is on the side of the NRA; which is apparently on the side of Washington since the NRA is the entity that put Baker in place.
   Hey, NRA members, why not just send your dues to the Taliban? You'll get the same results and a lot quicker.

Monday, January 21, 2013

NRA Members


   There is of course no shortage of idiot Americans anxious to lose themselves inside the identity of someone or something else since compulsory education has basically done a fine job of doing what it was designed to do - turn American individuals into government-loving herd members.
   The most interesting and at the same time most dense of these identity-free Americans however have to be without question the members of the National Rifle Association.
   The National Rifle Association is probably the most impotent lobby in the history of the whole weird activity that lobbying is, whatever it is. People joined together for the defense of the Assless Lizard of Tipperarry accomplish more in ten minutes with the bureaucrats they go up against than the NRA has accomplished in its entire existence. Negroes, women, homos, New World Aborigines, cripples, the fucking deaf, people with no fingers, midgets, crossdressers, hemophiliacs, guys on death row, illegal aliens, serial killers, the Taliban, labor unions, the entertainment industry, the Navajos for Christ's sake,  wheelchaired writhing drooling gurglers...all of them have Congogress wrapped around their dripping little peepees.  All these idiot groups fight more successful, more organized, more focused, more majestic fights against Congress in ten minutes than the NRA does in ten years. Meanwhile, the NRA?....they are in a daily, constant, frantic, urgent, dystopic, apoplectic fucking hysteria morning noon and night butting heads with everyone they come into contact with, spitting crazed, red-eyed lunacy about God only knows what, usually something you are either not doing or are doing wrong, while they of course are fighting the war bravely. Who are they fighting against?....well you! - either because you criticized them or you criticized the Most Holy of Holies NRA or you are not obeying whatever it is they are trying to recruit you to do. Which is to get on board the sinking ship that is the NRA and fork over some dough before you go down.
   The only exceptions, the only people the NRA members don't have snit fits against are the "people not sheeple" who pay money to "join" them.....all for the purpose of trying to get DC to allow the inhabitants within the US borders to own a fucking Glock pistol.
   Now, like I say, they do not have to butt heads with their glowing, eager, enthusiastic, fee-paying groupies who are endlessly excited to be "gun advocate roadies" for the weird, totally useless, completely blind heirarchy of the NRA.
   Speaking of which:
   A meeting of NRA "executives" has to be like a gathering of manatees into a cove, a white, pastey, blubber-festooned rubbing of naked bodies that attracts seagulls and other garbage eaters like plankton attracts krill.
   The NRA is the Marines For Comicbook Collectors.
   So, no, the NRA never has a problem with their idiot members who are convinced that by paying 35 dollars a year to a bunch of overweight redfaced cop-sniffers they are charging Pork Chop Hill in screaming, painted-face steroidal warfare against the Forces of the Empire.
   No, dudes, what you are doing is paying 35 dollars for a bumper sticker. You are the Jerry's Kids of Mindlessly Blind Followers.
   What's really funny is that NRA members call everyone else "sheeple." These are guys who are convinced they are in an army of Nordic flesh-eaters, slaying dragons and enchanted entities who vainly cast spells against them as they lustily lay about them, splashing blood and mead upon the walls and filling the fields with corpses of the zombie "sheeple." Meanwhile they array themselves like pawns in front of the king whenver anyone criticizes the NRA - the king being the ground-losing assholes in NRA headquarters in the scenic antelope-festooned praries of Southern Colorado driving Escalades in and out of the compound, the back seats filled with very ugly crackhead prostitutes from Pueblo and Trinity. Especially Pueblo.
   There is nothing more kneejerk - or really even more jerk in general - than an NRA "member." I don't know what these muttonheads think they are members of. They are customers. They are customers paying really high prices for a bumper sticker and a newsletter iterating this year's loss of ground. And not only do they iterate ground lost, they do it in exuberant, fist-clenched WWE-like enthusiasm and fierceness. "We really lost ground this month YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!"
   Being a member of the NRA is like being a "member" of a supermarket. Except being a "member" of a supermarket, you get to pay less for some things than the other customers. Members of the NRA get to spend more because the non members aren't buying anything at all. Meanwhile the members are buying a bumper sticker and a newsletter of despair and Scientology-like admonitions that "more must be done."
   The NRA is a cult, basically, in other words. The people running the cult laugh at the members and the members staunchly defend the people running the cult. Which is how it is with all cults. Which is how it is with governments. Which are cults.
   This is not a new game in town, folks, the NRA. The NRA is a religious useless, nonperforming cult. All religions, all seats of government play it.
   The cult itself never defends itself. It's "members" do that. Cult members gather round the center of the hive like bees do the queen and defend with their lives the egg-laying monstrosity within. They do it with gesticulation, something they think is "yelling," name calling that is not particularly creative - which, parenthetically, since most of the members are Creationists..... they have apparently decided that God's creative abilities in the first 6 days was enough for all of eternity because you will wait a very long time for an NRA member to say something that wasn't told to him by someone else writing an article that the member read and partially memorized.
   NRA members are like Jehova's Witnesses that don't come to the door. And of course they would not come to the door, that would involve actually doing something. And NRA members don't do anything except debate and argue. And you have to go to them. You have to rouse them from their slumber by saying something critical of the totally worthless and useless and pointless NRA. They're like Muslims, NRA members, in an instant's hollering fury at the first sign of "attack." "Saying "the NRA sucks" is an attack to an NRA member. He would attack you with his precious gun, but he can't. That's illegal. HAHAHAHA. The can have guns. They just can't use them. They call this "defending their 2nd Amendment "rights." Ownership without permission to use. The're like Muslims with their screaming and yelling but without the focus or the gameplan or the handbook of clear objectives of the Muslims. If you can imagine that.
   The NRA is an army that is dedicated to Postponing Defeat. The NRA has no victory motive or goal. There is no section in their "impotent  activities" chart that is marked, "Final Objective." They don't have one. It would not occur to them. That light would never go on inside the head of an NRA member. They exist merely to lose ground and say "I warned you all" as they recede into their basements and wait for the cops to arrive and ask them for their fucking Glock. Which they will then hand over, bathing it in their tears as they kiss it goodbye, probably loaded and with the safety off and accidentally discharging it into themselves in the process.
   You probably think I am done. I haven't fucking started.
   If the NRA was actually interested in anything involving anyone other than their own salary-sucking officers they would not have the word "national" in their name. If they were interested in "the right to bear arms" they would not have the word "rifle" in their name. And if they had even one atom's worth of fucking focus they would not have the word "association" in their name. They can't even name themselves right. They must have picked their name out of a hat. Or a dunce cap. They needed three words and they picked three stupid ones. Huey Louie Dewie would have been more ingenious.
   Americans are not a "national." The Feds are a national. One of the idiotic baseball leagues is a national. Hoops is a national. A national rifle association sounds like something working in concert with government, not something conducting legal warfare against it.
   A fucking "rifle" association means that the NRA is going to go down holding a rifle. Because every other kind of armament will have been forbidden to the American public and the illegal alien American public prior to that day.
   So therefore in just the first two words of their fucking gay name they have hogtied and manacled and strangled themselves. It makes you wonder if the NRA is not really a branch of the government, doesn't it? They're that fucked up.
   If there is a weaker word in English than "association" it can only be pansy. The National Rifle Pansy would in fact very likely actually be a better choice, it would allure the gay members of the left - which is all of them -  and the gay members of the right - which is 80% of them - right away into a state of mild curiosity and friendliness. Already I can hear the gay readers of this article tilting their heads and going "National Rifle Pansy? What is thaaaaat omigawd i love it!!!!"
     Walmart calls its drooling shuffling waddling employees "associates." Which means "nothings." If you are an associate you are a nothing. The gas chambers of Dacchau were filled, emptied, and refilled with associates every 30 minutes. Being in an "association" is the same as being in a kiddie park. The Mafia calls itself an association as a fucking joke. "Oh well, it's like this, officer,  I belong to an exclusive Italian mens' association. We gather and have meetings and discuss various and sundry topics of delight and betterment of both to us and to the community." He uses the word association because the word conveys weakness and ineffectivness and impotence and a general malaise and ennui and who gives a shit. It puts the police and everyone else to sleep in other words. Which is what the Mafia wants.
   And apparently so does the National Rifle Association. If they had named themselves the Dullard White Men of Slumberland they would have had a more effervescent and volcanic name than National Rifle Association. National Rifle Association sounds like a fucking historical society. Which is probably not inappropriate because the NRA is heading for an existence only in the history books at a really fast clip. The only reason the NRA still exists at all is because for the time being the Left is still wary of them. As Bill Clinton pointed out yesterday.
   HAHAHAHA! Shows you how stupid the Left is. But that will not always be the case. All it will take is one leftie with enough brains to see what a weak opponent the fucking NRA with its costumed militiamen who are scared of their own wives, forget about taking-on the District of Columbia; one leftie who has the light of reality flash on inside his gay collectivist skull to see how shallow and ineffective the NRA is and just pour on the heat. Hey, Lefty Guy In Waiting - the NRA has been in retreat its whole existence. All it is fighting for now is membership! Not liberty. It just wants members. It doesn't want victory. It has no idea what victory is or what it would look like. They just want members! Members for its Association! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Friday, January 18, 2013

An Important Announcement

   I am officially changing the name "Indian" to "New World Aborigine." I do not approve of "American Indian" because for one thing they are not Indians and for  another thing they are not Americans. And calling them American Indians is disgusting, both to Americans and to Indians. Both of whom are more accomplished than the entire history and population and culture and future of the New World Aborigine. Thank you.

Wendy Grew Up. And Out.

    Have I written about Wendy before? She's the physically unpleasant Rosie O'donnell look-alike who now does the tv commercials for Wendy's. She is the little red headed, pigtailed cartoon child on the logo. And now she is a walking representative of excessive caloric intake who meanders through a Wendy's while talking to the camera.
   Wendy smiles, but it is a very frightening smile. It is a sneer, not a smile. If you want to learn how to sneer, look at Wendy doing a commercial. It is not a smile. A smile is the visible sign of inner happiness. Wendy's smile is a visible sign of inner disgust. It is a smile that frightens.
   Her eyes do not smile either. There is no mirth in them. There is anger. Maybe it's the food. Square hamburger patties  are off-putting, let's face it. If they are on square buns that makes them even more alien. Nice people do not eat square hamburgers. Freaks of Nature eat them. Wendy apparently eats a lot of them. She clearly eats a lot of something.
   I never actually listen to what she says because I am too absorbed in staring at her. "Why do they have a fat angry woman with a frightening smile telling me to eat her food?" is all that goes through my mind.
   She shows a picture of her dad at one point, the guy that started the chain. His smile looks genuinely friendly. She might want to check her DNA.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Big Homie, The Perhaps Hells Angel

Big Homie is - apparently - a Hells Angel who does rap. Very bad rap. The rap part I am sure about. The Hells Angel part I am still trying to verify. If he IS a Hells Angel either the Hells Angels have lost their minds or else...well, I guess there is no other explanation, actually.
   The Hells Angels have a hankering for show business deep down in their oil and semen-soaked boots that has been there from the very beginning. Immersing themselves in the common culture of the day and times has been an ongoing avocation, a kind of Camp David, from their day to day routine of fighting in bars and saloons and casinoes and taking every kind of drug that there is all at once, and they have had this sideline from the very beginning. When really badly produced and written and filmed and acted biker gang movies began to appear regularly after the success of The Wild One, the Hells Angels were quick to get their Screen Actors Guild cards and go to work in front of the cameras just pretending to be drunken lunatics instead of actually being those things like they are in real life. Apparently movie work is good for Hells Angels because in all the time they were making movies there were never any reports of a ruckus or bad behavior or of not showing up on time or being in any way prima donnas about how to deliver their lines and there were no complaints and snit fits about trailer accommodations or demands for orange juice mixed with tapioca beads or soothing emollients in a bowl heated to 80 degrees for their faces and skin. Nope, they showed up, put in a days work in front of the cameras and went back home to their hijacked coyote dens in Big Tujunga Canyon, peacefully taking acid, drinking beer, and burying bodies.
   So show business is in the Hells Angels' blood. It's part of being in California. It's what we fucking do here.
   But this rap shit.......
   Not only is this untalented silly balloon rapping - it's terrible rapping. I know what you're saying, how could it not be terrible rapping if its rapping at all, that's its only variety, the terrible variety. I understand that. But even the rappers who make a good living at rapping have standards of excellence and presentation and creative complexity that sets them apart from....well, people like Big Homie, for instance.  Even the insane people who think they can sing who audition for American Idol would giggle in embarrassment at this wrecking ball of awfulness.
   The Hells Angels must be feeling sad or alone or all teary and all angry at their witeness or something because they have apparently instructed this fellow, who is apparently a singing spokesman for the club, to  "BE A BADASS NIGGER, DUDE!"
   Well,  first of all,he fails at coming across as badass, he is more blowhard-ridiculous than badass, he just looks like a fat guy who wants to have felons for friends, but as far as being a nigger, he does that pretty good: he looks as silly as a macaque on Ripple, in other words. He does all the stupid stuff niggers do in rap videos, but, alas, with none of the fiercesomeness that a lot of them manage to convey.
   There is also a very noticeable absence of hot chicks in short shorts running around. I mean, you're making a rap video about how manly you are and there's no naked women in it hanging on your hip and looking winsomely up at your bloated lineless, experience-free face?
   That just ain't right. That's just fucking weird, baby.
   He is surrounded by half breed and quarter breed and eighth breed fat Mexican San Fernando Valley idiots from Pacoima. This means that his first loyalty is to Mexico because Mexicans from Pacoima hate the United States, they think California was stolen from them personally. So fucking-up gringoes on American soil is an act of war and patriotism, not criminal activity.
    In order to demonstrate his newly Mexicanized loyalties,  he spits at "a rival biker" -  a white man with greying hair who is dressed up, it looks like, like a Mongol. The Mongols and the Hells Angels don't get along very well, they get all perturbed when one sees the other and they start shooting bullets immediately back and forth and it doesn't really matter too much to either one who is in the way. The situation is always in a volcanic state or a pre volcanic state. So Big Homie - which is probably the stupidest name in the history of the stupid art form that is Rap - Big Homie with the unoriginal dance moves and leaning and swaying body posture of a white ape has decided things need to be livened up so he in essence, in his vaulting brilliance, he has  decided to be les provocateur!! "Ha Mon ami, you are thinking perhaps to ride your petty little motorized two wheeled vehicle to les same les gas station as les moi??? HA!! I spit in your ger-er-al die-rection, mein puto amigo!!!"
   Nice: the Hells Angels are showing the Mongols how tough they are by spitting on a Pretend Mongol  in a terrible rap video that is an embarrassment to Mun Dos, the Bad Mexican Videos channel. A bad entertainer with no talent is going to single handedly provoke a shooting war between what the Federal government calls "warring armies of killers."
  What very little I know of the Hells Angels includes the assumed fact that Hells Angels do not spit on people. They run up to them and knock them out. When they are in a good mood. When they are riled they keep hitting you till you wake up and then knock you out again.
   Big Homie spits at people. He would have probably thrown one of his turds at the guy if he could have reached his hand around his side, stomach, or back, to get to his ass. Which is unlikely that he can.
   So he just spits at the guy. For wanting some gas. And of course the Mongol-type, why he just thinks "Why this gentleman is spitting at me, I had perhaps best just mosey-on along to a different gas station rather than risk a confrontation with this warrior." And off he goes. For he has learned his lesson: do not fuck with Big Homie when he spits at you for no reason at a gas station.
   Homie the Spitter. He spits at other bikers. White ones.
   Good, Homie. What a great idea for a video. You must be some asset to whoever it is you are really working for. Tell me, would it be Obama?
   Now, apparently nobody told anyone that this was a bad idea. Just like nobody at Coke told the CEO that "New Coke" was a bad idea. Just like nobody at Colonel Sanders told the CEO that changing the name from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC was a bad idea. Just like nobody at Wendys told the CEO that showing what the little girl on the Wendys logo looks like now and having her actually do the commercials while waddling around like a tank and sneering like a villain and looking and talking like Satan's Wife was a bad idea.
   And so it was, nobody told the Hells Angels that Big Homie singlehandedly bringing down the empire was a bad idea.
   The song itself, if that's what you call nursery rhymes that are not very interetsing, is bad. I mean this is bad "music." The video itself is worse than bad.  It has all the creative elements of 9 year olds in the garage deciding to Let's Put On A Show!!
   The bike that Homie is riding is ridiculous. It has a fairing. And a very dorky one. It looks like it was designed and painted by a candystriper from Korea. The Gangnan Style dude wouldn't ride it, it's too silly. I'm not even sure it's a Harley which in itself smells like an Obama Productions foe pah.
   He wears Khakis. He even mentions that in the song. He mentions that he has his Khakis on. Mexican wannabe thugs wear Khakis and clean white t shirts. They have been wearing that uniform in San Fernando since 1955. His buddy along side him on the other motorcycle looks about as fearsome as a contestant on Jeopardy. He is also in khakis.....and he is wearing VANS!
   You don't wear gay emo tennies on a motorcycle. No matter how tough you are, it's just not a good idea. You announce to everyone that you are mentally impaired by doing so.
   Now, there is a lampooning biker club called Douche Larouche. They lampoon themselves as hard riding hard drinking hard living bikers. They clearly are not. Their club president is a box boy from a supermarket who giggles and wears Trekkie and Star Wars paraphernalia. But they are very funny.
   Douche Larouche must have put whoever Big Homie is up to this as a goof. And apparently Big Homie - being Big Homie - didn't get it. Not that this video is funny, you understand. It isn't. It's just, basically, disgraceful. I mean it reeks from here to Cowloon.
   It's also provocative in that his - Big Homie's -  problem isn't with the cops, oh no, the cops are kind of cool in this video, they are packing these dopes off to jail from the getgo. No, this guy's big problem is another biker from another club! Yeah! Let's promote biker warfare! What a sterling idea, Homie!
   Big Homie HAS to be working for Villaregosa. And Villar works for Obama. And something like this is what Obama would come up with. He dreams up weird fucked up shit like this on a regular basis. And I bet I am not far from wrong here. Obama sits back and smokes joints with the Crips and the Bloods on the White House (what's left of the) Lawn, and they think of stuff like this cause they know Whitey will think it's cool trying to get the Mexicans, (who also want to be negroes, apparently) to do a "biker" video that incites biker war between clubs. Sounds like Fast and Furious, the Domestic Version to me. Good job, Big Homie, you're not just eating french fries and donuts 24 hours a day, you are using that noggin too! Yeah!

   It turns out big homie actually is a hells angel. its the end of an era. god help us all. america is over. obama and the mexicans won.;_ylt=Agzk3Aj5_R_4IAZmYxP_dlKvulI6?p=big+homie&fr=ush-mailn

Monday, January 14, 2013

Why Teaching Creationism Is Ok.

   The reason why it's ok to teach Creationism is because it only consists of a couple of verses in Genesis. So it is very easy to learn. You can teach it completely in under five minutes. Why this is a problem for anyone is where I start to run into a mystery. Apparently there is a conclusion being drawn that teaching something means it's true. Peter Pan can be taught. But it's not true. But no one has a problem with it being taught. So why is Creationism a problem to teach? Don't ask me. I don't know.  But somebody must know> Cause teaching it is a big problem for a lot of people. For some reason.

Worst Cover Ever

   This is the cover of the current "holiday issue" of Playboy.
   This is the grungiest Playboy cover in its 50 year history. Forget about the atrocity of the fucking model, whoever the fuck Paz is, the whole rest of it looks like some piece of shit from Marie Claire. Paz looks like Tom Cruise attempting to look manly. The font of half the writing looks like some crap from an Aztec Monthly basketweaving newsletter. The photo itself looks like it was done with a Coolpix, model 1, number 1. The "beach" looks like Polio Bay in Whittier, "Paz" looks like something with a blown-out snatch more fucked up than a collection of tire debris off to the side of the road, her legs look like king crabs, she pro'bly has crabs, she has the fingernails of a dock worker, she's wearing dog tags because she's a  fucking actual dog.
   This has to mean that Hugh Hefner died and they are just not telling anyone yet. This can not have gotten past his desk with him still breathing at it. Hustler covers don't look this gross and crappy. This looks like OUI just before it collapsed. No wonder their subscription rates are so low: they know they will never have to deliver on the mags cause this is likely its last month. I guess they figured they would go out the exact opposite of the way they came in. They came in with some class.

Dave Hull Book Signing Forecast

   This Saturday, Jan 19th, at 11:30 at Fuddruckers in Burbank, Dave Hull, the famous local DJ from the 60's who basically brought the Beatles to Los Angeles, which move very likely turned them into blissed-out acidheads, and also resulted in some great songs and more importantly Haight-Ashbury (which now has city-serviced chemical toilets on the sidewalks mind you, and city-run emergency ambulances parked 24 hours a day at the curbs) coming into existence -  will be signing his book, "Hullaballoo."
   I will be there because I am the one who put Dave Hull and the actual writer of the book, Bill Hayes, together. Today, in fact,  Bill Hayes informed me that Hells Angels, Madame Tussauds, and Fuddruckers are the only three enterprises that do not have apostrophes in their official spellings. So, you see, this is no sleepytime writer. This is someone who is constantly paying attention to things.
   But this is not about the book.
   This is about the book signing.
   You do not have book signings at hamburger joints. Which of course is one of the reasons I will be there. I mean, let's face it, it's pretty messed up. The only place weirder for a once-famous-dj book signing would be at the bottom of the eternally-dry spillway of the eternally dry Sepulveda Dam. I probably would not go to that one because there would be no hamburgers. Just dust. And of course concrete. Ya know, maybe I would go, I love concrete.
   My prediction is that no one inside Fuddruckers ordering hamburgers for their 9 year old sons and daughters will know who Dave Hull is. And if they do they won't care. Because Dave Hull is not Ryan Secrest, who is probably the only actually-known radio personality alive today on planet earth. Howard Stern moved to Sirius and so nobody knows who he is anymore because no one wants to pay for radio. Also everyone thinks Sirius is spelled Serious and that Howard Stern is now all "meaningful and gruff" and all. It's kinda funny.
   I've lost my place.
   Oh, yeah, the Dave Hull book signing at the hamburger place.
   Now, to me, the fact that absolutely nobody will give a crap about the old endentulate, drooling, lost and bewildered DJ off to the side, signing books no one wants,  using a table by himself with no food on it, and which could be put to better use by the hungry Mexican family of 12 who came there to effing eat.....this is, to me, kinda bitchin'. Because it's totally assbackwards and upsidedown. Which means it will be funny. At least to me.
   Bill, who is a Boozefighter - they're on Wikipedia if you want to look - he says he is going to have five chapters of the motorcycle hooligans show up. Bikers like hamburgers so this could actually happen. This shouldn't bother Dave at all, he seems comfortable around reprobates and derelicts and social misfits and outcasts. However the Boozefighters' presence might bother everyone else in the place.  So that will be kinda interesting to watch.
   Dave told me that he already cleared it with the owner that I will get a free hamburger, but I ain't buying that. I will need to hear that from the owner. I worked in a hamburger place, Bob's Big Boy, for ten years. I know how things actually operate. DJ's don't hand out the chow to people who come in. DJ's spin records and - I guess - sign books in hamburger joints. Period. So him saying I am going to get a free hamburger amounts to nothing actually on the plate, assuming I even get a plate.
   So I will be bringing some cash to this swahray.
   I do not go to publicity events unless I am personally involved in them enough to get in for free and without waiting in the line and not having to be on the boring, plebian, side of the red rope.
   So needless to say I have not been to an event since I was a Mouseketeer.
   When I was a Mouseketeer I went to a lot of events. Events as I define them, of course: where I get ushered in around everyone else, i get escorted past everyone else, i have people coming up to me instead of me going up to them, I am looked upon as attractive and desirable to women and girls who otherwise would not even use me for toilet paper, I get food and beverages for free, I get to go where I want in the place when I want, I get to snoop, i get to poke, i get to graciously importune people to do things for me they would kick me in the applesack if I dared to ask them while not at the event.
   This was when I was a Mouseketeer, you understand.
   I then went from Mouseketeer to Complete And Total Object Of Universal Derision And  Target Of Opportunity And Attack.
   This did nothing for my disposition. Which went from cheery lad to what you see now.
   But lo, here in the present day, in the twilight of my Golden Pond rowboat ride into oblivion, I will be attending, once again, an event. An event as I define them: where it's all about me. Sure, it's not a Mouseketeer event, but to me it is even more enthralling and delightful because, you see, there would in fact be no event at all were it not and had it not been and if it were not had been in fact were been not had if were it had not been for me!
   Yes, that's right! I am the reason this event is even occurring!
   And what that means, of course, is that I will be, in a very real sense, the most important person there. Yes: I will be the most important person at a completely meaningless and worthless and without consequence event.
   Be perfect for me, I was born for this.
   Naturally I am actually excited. I never get excited. And I have lived one rambunctious exciting life, let me tell you. I just never got excited about any of it. But now?...a Dave Hull book signing at Fuddruckers with me as the sole and only creator of the means for the book to even have come into existence? the person without whom; without whose majesty; without whose noble, and, admittedly, somewhat cavalier, pity upon some lesser lights, none of this amazingness would have happened?.............we are talking intense and major rapture of the soul here my friends. Intense and major rapture of the soul. If you do not understand I cannot explain it to you, you with your undeveloped spirit and your pathetic, hollow, empty, barren, sterile, lifeless, passionless, bleak, pallid, probably squalid, bosom. You disgust me.
   Now, the fries at Fuddruckers, as I recall, are the thick kind that never taste good. It could, however, be they have at last opened their eyes and have gone to the small and skinny good ones cooked in beef grease. On the other hand they are having a Dave Hull book signing so it is more likely their eyes are not only still closed they have had pennies put onto both of them.
   Fuddruckers also has the feature I call the "open pit of semen and saliva," salad bar,  or "common vermin trough of condiment add-ons" which is a more polite way to put it. But in reality the most actually accurate way to put it would be "the infection, virus, and bacteria distribution center" which is the bins of pickles and lettuce and tomatoes and cheese and chilis and peppers and cilantro and Central American bat guano that all the tuberculars and Aids sufferers and nose pickers and gonad scratchers in the San Fernando Valley put their hands and breath into so that I will be sick for a month afterwards of diseases known only to Sith magicians, upper echelon Druidic potion-masters, and the bugs inside a subterranean Aztec dungeon for the condemned.
   Did I mention that an entire crapload of degenerate biker slobs and miscreants, and very likely felons, are going to crash the party? If they have hot babes in leather short-shorts in tow this might ameliorate any tension and fear among the patrons. However I don't believe the Boozefighters have hot babes in leather short-shorts as one of their "things you associate with the Boozefighters" list of items. In fact if Alex Trebek were to say "Things you associate with the Boozefighters,"..... "What are hot babes in leather short-shorts?" would not be the correct answer in question form. Probably "what are lakes of regurgitated beer?" would be a more correct answer. Or, "'What is blood?'Alex", would be another one.
   It is not known at this time how many copies of "Hullaballoo" have been sold. If I had to guess I would say anywhere upwards of, for example, say, maybe six. Maybe seven. Six, maybe seven, yes, I think that would be fair to say. Maybe five. Somewhere in there. Four, maybe.
   But you know what? can't place a number value on the qualitative worth of the reading experience. But you can on the number of books sold. And, like I say, it's maybe six or seven. Or maybe three. I know that I have one. But it was given to me because, well, I think I have spent a lot of time explaining my essential part in this, what would you call it, not fiasco, milestone, that's the word. At least it's a milestone for me. For Dave Hull it will probably put the final brick onto his buried-alive tomb of infinitely increasing obscurity.
   At any rate I'll keep you posted on how it all turns out at this.....anyone?......that's right, at this event!! YESSSS!!!!
   And if the Fashion Police show up, I hope Kelly Osbourne has done something about that lavender hair and her steroid jawbones. And that tattoo that looks like a blue Band-aid on her arm: really, Kelly?.....a Band-aid? Wot weh yu think-aing???
   Ok, really, I do have to go now, i am being tweeted by Gwyneth Paltrow. She wants to know if she can get in - haha, I dont think so, Gwinny, Miss Too Good To Come To My Deportation Hearings. She wants to know, besides, if she can get free eats. I guess she's eating this month. She is such a dear. Unfortunately I reserved her place for Bin Laden's corpse. He's not nearly as tiring a conversationist as she is. Even now.
   OK, gotta run!!! See you there!! Or I'll tell you all about it!!
   The second option will be a lot cheaper on your pocketbook. And your digestion.

   Hahahaha: Lemmy. He's a pisser. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Shitty New Corvette

   According to some tool named Damon Lavrinc who works at WIRED this is the "first Corvette you will actually want."
   This is the first Corvette I would actually take a piss on the tires. It looks like a fucking Datsun. It looks like a Korean penis version of a Corvette.It looks like the design crew got fired and Obama sat down and drew a car. And then they all begged him to blow them and he said "Only if you actually make this car" and they jizzed on each others' faces in happy anticipation and delight to suck the little faggot dick of the president of the Muslim States of Islamica. It looks like a fucking Pontiac Klunk Kar. It looks like a Corvette that was squeezed shorter to appeal to the more idiotic aesthetically challenged of the Obama Auto Works emporium. It's the Edsel model of the Corvette. It's the New Coke from Government Motors.
   But hey, WIRED likes it, and they always know what's what, they're the titless version of Playboy, and Playboy of course has the pulse of hipness. Titless Hipness, that's WIRED. And they really like this piece of shit Corvette. I can smell the semen and saliva that flowed into this article from here. Semen and saliva. There's a phrase that deserves to become viral. "The semen and saliva apparently flowed pretty thick to get the new Corvette design approved by this week's CEO at GM, ey?" "It's gonna take a lot of semen and saliva to get this plan approved." "Was this decided by thought, wisdom and good council?...or was it a semen and saliva decision between the boss and the Chipendale dancer brought into his office." "How did this get okayed, by the semen and saliva method? Or just ordinary incompetence."

The Nigger In Chief

   The Nigger In Chief is actually no worse than any other president, he just has a tougher time disguising it because he's a nigger, not a white man, and niggers just aren't good at things.

Black Pride

   If there really was such a thing as black pride niggers wouldn't have a problem with being called niggers.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Nigger Logic, Part 2 Million

   According to the nigger in chief killing school children is bad unless its Muslims killing Jew kids or Christian kids or Muslim kids in Persia. Then it's not anything. It's holy jihad against the infidel. Which Obama and Allah The Assfucker both approve of.

Government Health Insurance

   The 3,000 governments in America have been forcing Americans to buy car insurance for 50 years. Why the big deal when one of them decides to force everyone to buy health insurance besides? Why all of a sudden is THIS the "intrusion" and not the billion other intrusions.
   What's interesting is that there are people who think that the momentum that has been built up since the Constitution got put into power can now be stopped whenever they decide enough is enough. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA it can't.

Flipping A Cop Off

   Apparently a judge somewhere decided that in some area a cop can't arrest you for giving him the finger.
   A lot of people who can't think are strutting this news around like they just found gold nuggets in their shit logs.
   When it's big news that there is actually something you cannot be arrested for...that is not something to get real excited about, dude. What that means is that you live in a police state. On the plus side, the left and the right are both promotors of a police state. So maybe the excitement is justified: because the job is almost done; there is now only one thing remaining that you cannot be arrested for.

The Left Wing

   The goal of the left wing is to eradicate progress and comfort. This is done via politics, a left wing creation. Left wingers are only comfortable and have "quiet time" when there are no people alive utilizing the objects and artifacts in Nature to better their lives. Left wingers are also not comfortable in a capitalistic world, where politics has no value, where only productivity matters. This is a terrifying world to a left winger. So they invented something called "higher callings." These can be anything imaginary, though a "floating abstraction" is what they prefer. These include any deity, something called a nation, a sport they only watch, anyone someone else considers "famous" for no concrete reason, which would exclude scientists and industrialists and inventors, something called "causes" and something called "everyone but you" which is the foundation of socialism, by far their most successful creation for the eradication of progress.
   Interestingly, right wingers proclaim to detest left wingers, even though they have the exact same goals, but without the same level of energy to implement those goals. Because they often have other things to do so cannot devote 100% of their time and energy to them. Unlike left wingers, who are driven like demons to implement their goals, preferably through rivers of blood.

Politics In Eleven Words

   The left wing is evil, the right wing is batshit crazy.

The Right Wing

   The main activity of the Right Wing seems to be - after taking a look at the Right Wing with a critical eye for about 30 seconds today - the main activity of the right Wing  seems to be to come up with something not only frightening but weirdly frightening and with an air and attitude and implied suggestion that the people doing the frightening thing are smarter and craftier and more cunning than, well, the Right Wing, and then - although it isn't mentioned, I am just guessing - YOU are supposed to - i guess - DO something about all this. Then they scamper off and look for another frightening thing to gather into their arms and bring it back at a dead run, back to you for you to take a look at and become frightened and agitated about.
   This seems to be what the Right Wing is all about.
   Some day I will post a summation of the Left Wing, after I take a look at it for 30 seconds.

Huffington Post

   I hear that the Huffington Post is comparing George Washington to Mohammed. In a good way.
   They could be right: both men founded nations that have a Muslim in charge.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Prison Reform

   Well, one good way to reform prison would be to eliminate it.
   "Oh, but then you would have criminals running around!"
   Only a minute percentage, actually less than one percent, of the people committing what the people in prison have done are in prison for it. The rest are "running around." Do you feel threatened by them?
   "You are a fucking idiot!"
   Just answer the question.
   "Fuck you! I don't have to answer that STUPID question."
   And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why there will never be prison reform. Because you - yes, you -  would have to give up your Instantly Frightened Over Nothing reflex implant, first. And that would make you ascaired, if you were to remove that. Cause you're a fucking douche. Thank you. Oh, and, fuck you.


   People vote for the same reason newlyweds smash cake into each other's faces: because some idiot long ago did it first and all the other idiots saw an opportunity to be stupid and have it disguised as virtuous. Which is something stupid people really like. And need.
   Voting accomplishes for personal liberty the same thing pushing cake into each others' faces accomplishes for marriage: it guarantees failure from that instant onward. You can't undo it.
   Men actually like pushing cake into their bride's face: they know it's the last time and the only time they will be able to express their true feelings to their spouse in public. All further assaults will have to be done in the basement.
   And voters actually like voting: it is the only time until the next election they will feel like they are controlling things. And that's enough for them. Just like pushing the cake into the face is enough truth for most spouses, voting once every few years is enough liberty for most citizens. It's called "settling."

The Catholic Confessional


Priests have to be the luckiest dudes in history, they get to hear 14 year old girls talking about their nipples and their pussies and their boyfriend's dicks: "...and tell me my child did you actually put your mouth onto his penis?...." "Well, just my tongue, Father. I only licked the head of his cock and tickled the rim." "...and did you touch his testicles?" "Would that matter?" "Oh, yes, touching the testicles is a longer time in Purgatory and it could be a lower rung of hell if you were to die before a good Confession after touching the testicles. Tell me, have you ever touched your brother's testicles?" "Well, yes, he used to make me feel them when I started wearing a training bra. He said his testicles were full of pus, cause that's where the dead blood cells went after attacking intruders and that he needed to have the pus released. He said pulling on his balls while he pumped his cock would release the dead white cells. Why do you ask?" "...and have you ever played with other peoples' brother's cock or your sister's vagina? Do you have any sisters my child?"
   I mean, when does that ever get old? Never. That's when it gets old. Never.
   Not to mention the faggot priests, which are about 50% of them. Yes, the Catholic priesthood has something for everyone.
   "I masturbated 20 times since my last confession." "I see. Tell me about them. Do you remember the time and place of each one? And describe as much about the degree of arousal of your penis from moment to moment if you can so I can chart the sinfulness and determine your penance."
   And of course in the Catholic Brainwashing Lectures, which start at infancy, activities involving your sex organs are the worst activities you can undertake here on this earth - or "veil of tears," as the Church refers to terrestrial human life. It's a veil of tears. Get used to it. Life is a veil of tears. And your cock and balls are the major cause of why you are crying, and if you are not crying it is because you are still alive and have not yet died and gone to hell where your sins of the cock and balls are going to send you. Unless you tell me all about them in a little booth of darkness while I cum and cum and cum under my black Muslim Pakistani dress-like garment worn by perverts in Persia throughout all of history, which garment is very allergic to underwear, so I never wear any, now tell me about your cock and balls again, please, my little newly-pubertized lad?....
   Most of the tears of the veil in the veil of tears are caused by the Catholic Church, as it turns out, or at least a whopping lot of them are. They always fail to mention that in the veil of tears references. "Thanks to us your life will be a veil of tears. And if it is already we will not be alleviating that situation in any way, in fact just the opposite, you will become more distraught than ever after a few years with us." They never say that. The veil of tears is created by everything BUT the Church, according to the Church. The Church is the sanctuary for happiness, don't you know, a brief respite from the veil of tears. "Come to us for fun and delights."
   Actually I have never heard a Catholic representative ever say that. I just said it to be humorous. Just so you understand that. You don't become a Catholic so that you can at last relax about your sin-caused debt. There is no "fun and delights" aspect to Catholicism, unless it's to get rip roaring drunk. Which, by the way, is not much of a failing, if you are a Catholic. And if it is a failing you will wait a long long time to hear a sermon about it or have a guilt trip laid on you about it. Maybe its because getting drunk leads to sins of the gonads, which you can then be lectured about and your life turned into a veil of tears, fear-filled hell about.
   No, you do not become a Catholic for fun and delights. You become a Catholic so that you can have your foul and disgusting debt-to-God from sin itemized and the bill written-up and printed out and handed to you over and over so that you can see it clearly and have it drilled into you how much you owe to God and to Holy Mother Church in reparations so that you will not burn in hell for eternity.
   Which is basically Catholicism in a nutshell. For those of you investigating comparative religions. It's learning what hell is and why you are going there unless you atone and do penance and make reparations and pay back God what He is owed for you causing God to create you and forcing God to   bring you into existence due to the sins of your parents fucking each other and offending your Creator by fucking because fucking is a sin a fucking sin a sin of fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin.
   So you owe God. Because you have things on you that fuck and squirt and make you feel good.
   You are filth.
   Welcome to Catholicism! If you have been moved and inspired to have a revelation from the preceeding 3 paragraphs then I have just converted you. Welcome. Please learn the Holy Days of Obligation as soon as possible and the rules of fasting and abstinence, if they are still in existence, and destroy all your material possessions except for the ones you give to the Church. Thank you. Go in peace.

   "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I played with my brother's penis." "And so you are saying he raped you, my child?" "No, Father, he just showed it to me and asked me if I wanted to touch it." "And did you want to touch it? Or did he force you to touch it." "Well, I sort of wanted to touch it but I never would have gone to him first. He came to me." "Are you both at puberty?" "Yes, he is a year older than me." "Were your breasts exposed when he asked you if you wanted to touch his penis?" "Well, no." "Did they become exposed during the course of you touching his penis?" "Well, yes...." "Did the sight of your breasts have an effect upon his penis?" "Well, he said they did." "Are your breasts especially enticing? Or do you think he was just trying to pull you into his sin further with his lies." "I think they look ok. He seemed pretty sincere about liking them when he saw them." "Did he remove the clothes from your breasts, or did you." "Well, I did. He told me to hurry." "Were you excited by the idea of touching his penis?" "Well, no. Just curious. But I started to get aroused when he put his fingers on my nipples." "Had you been sexually aroused before?" "Well, maybe. But never with a boy. Just my girlfriends. And sometimes alone." "Let's stay with one sin at a time, please, if you don't mind. You can tell me about the other sins with your girlfriends and when you are alone, tomorrow. Or we can schedule a confession for you. Maybe in the woods. Do you like the woods? I am kidding of course. Let's stay focused upon your time with your brother. Please. I beg you. Now start all over. He came into your bedroom? The shower? Where exactly were the both of you when this happened. When this business between you and your brother's penis happened. I believe you had your breasts exposed and your brother was touching your nipples and all the while his penis was erect and you were becoming sexually aroused. As I recall. Is that correct?"

   Yeah; the Confessional. It rocks!

Friday, January 11, 2013

The NRA pt. 2

   I hear that NRA "membership" is growing thanks to the nigger's incessant harping on keeping guns in the hands of the military - which he runs - and out of the hands of the citizens and illegal aliens of America - who he despises.
   From what I can determine from the NRA's job performance for as long as I have been alive, the only thing they are good at is gathering subscribers and paying appreciators of their bad job performance. If they have undone any federal anti gun legislation in their entire history I need to be told about it. From what I can see the steady erosion of the so-called "right to bear arms" seems to be proceeding at its slow and relentless and unwavering steady pace.
   Maybe their claim to fame is that they have "slowed" the erosion from what it would have been had they not had paid subscribers.
   I don't call this praiseworthy. I call this failing.
   The members, however, are simply thrilled as can be to simply have an "I am a proud member of the NRA" sticker and continuing updates of new anti-gun legislation being proposed by all the assholes they have put into office. "I am going to vote for this person and then fight against him tooth and nail" seems to be the adventure being undertaken by these people. These noble warriors are the first to panic when the asshole police departments of their towns threaten to go on strike if pensions aren't raised.The "cold dead fingers" militia, I call them. You will have to kill them to take their guns.
   My experience is that illogical blowhards never put up much resistance, and they sure won't put up any to the police they are so devoted to providing with job security when the cops systematically come a-knocking at their doors to search for weapons.

Today's Pagans

   Todays pagans are the people who vote. Voting is the newest version of human sacrifice. It's been pared down to keep the blood flow at a minimum but it is still the same ritual, you offer yourself to the god of whatever government you are voting within at that moment, in America we have 4 for every one citizen, and you make your petition of hope and your expression of your desires to the piece of paper you are voting on and then you leave and you wait to see if your prayer to the magical provider of magical free things has been answered to your liking.
   It doesn't matter to the voters that they are only voting on a tiny tiny fraction of all the things that are going to be decided without their having to vote on them and without them not even being allowed to vote on them were they to ask for permission to do so. "That is not something that gets voted on" would be the answer given to you assuming an answer was given to you at all.
   Most people who vote are very thrilled abut it, they wear hats and hurl streamers and make noises with toys and can't wait for the people and things they are voting for to strangle them a little tighter and withdraw from them their property and liberties at a little faster rate than is already happening. If you let someone vote on something they think they have at least had a fair shot at...well, at something or other. They get a shot at what they were voting on, which is usually to permit someone to take more of their stuff and extract more of their personal lives into the public sector. We all work for the public sector it's just that some people work in the private sector too. they think they are not working in the public sector, but they are. It's all over them like fungus. Jury duty: the draft: taxes: licensing fees: fines: prison: community "service": these are all public sector JOBS!!! Going to prison IS A JOB!!! IT'S A PUBLIC SECTOR JOB!!
   The problem is nobody - at least in the private sector - sees it this way. They see it as "a mystical religious patriotic loyal citizen obeying orders."
   However, people working in the public sector and not in the private sector, they see it as "getting carried along through life on the shoulders of patriotic asshole idiots HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" That's how they see it.
   Oddly, the people who get upset the most at this kind of talk are the people in the private sector! It's like they don't want to have their eyes rubbed and be forced to see with them where they are and what they are doing.
   The people in the public sector read shit like this, they - once in a while - have a chat with you in private to try and get you to tone down the rhetoric. Truth is called rhetoric today. People in the public sector ask me to tone down the rhetoric. People in the private sector ask me why I am so unAmerican.
   I never know what to say to either one of these two representatives when they have these talks with me but it is gratifying to know when it happens that the public sector at least understands what I am talking about.

The Grapevine

   The Grapevine is a stretch of road between Los Angeles and the San Juaquin Valley. It goes north and south and climbs a range of hills 6000 feet above sea level.
   The road itself gets to about 4500 feet.
   As you approach the summit of the road, coming from either direction, the surrounding very high hills begin to close in toward you so that on the San Bernardino side it's practically a canyon, through which, when it snows, it gets cold sooner and stays cold longer and the snow blows harder and more fiercely than anywhere else in the vicinity. It's also steep. Did I mention the truck traffic from Canada to Mexico that is funneled through this ravine?
   Therefore, if there is a winter rain in Los Angeles the Grapevine is usually closed to through traffic.
   This has been the case on this government road for one hundred and fifty fucking years.
   It's closed right now in fact.
   It's the only artery between Los Angeles and San Francisco and Oregon and Washington.
   And it's closed.
   Because of snow.
   There are thousands of people on either side of it that cannot go anywhere and are marooned. They probably can't even turn their cars around.
   The 18-wheeled truck count alone is likely in the thousands.
   The news morons do not see a story here other than a chance to leave their offices and go to the site of a traffic jam and announce "There is a traffic jam here. Back to you, Sandra."
  The Feds and the States are sure doing a good job of road building. And everyone is in a trance of delight about it too. You talk about eliminating the state from human affairs and the first thing they scream is "WHO WILL BUILD THE ROADS?"
    Well, probably someone who knows something about building roads and maintaining them and keeping them open when it gets a bit chilly, would be my guess. Someone who doesn't close his roads when the weather gets snarky and leaves thousands of his customers freezing in the snow for no reason.
   That would be my first guess. Not my hundredth. My fucking first.
   It would probly be your last. You would go through a list of bureaucrats from DC to fucking Peru before you would think that "the public road system" solution that has been in use since fucking Ancient Rome is a really good answer to traffic. Yeah, it sure is: if you want traffic have governments money build the roads. They do such a fucking great job of it let's keep them employed at it. Let's get that death count into the millions and the lack of access into 50% of the year instead of just 25. Let's just keep doing this.
   By the way, if you're in Los Angeles and you want to get to Fresno, fly. At least today. The Feds havne't started building roads in the air yet so there should be no problems.
   If you were a venture capitalist and you wanted to build a road that would be more advantageous and customer friendly to international traffic through the busiest money-corridor on earth, you would not be allowed to. The government road police would toss a trillion licensing and insurance and environmental and legal and mythical and religious and arguments from tradition  at you to send you packing as soon as you opened your briefcase of blueprints.
   Because government hates private business and private enterprise. Because it is better than what government forces you to use.
   But you don't think that. Because you are stupid. you think like this, I will show you how you think because I can get into your stupid empty head because access is paper thin and filled with wide, untrammeled walkways. You think like this: "If private enterprise builds roads they will charge exorbitant fees for me to use them and I will not be able to go anywhere."
   This is how you think. I am calling it thinking because that's what everyone calls asshole nigger logic: they call it thinking. So that is what I am calling it.

Tax Ad

   This is an actual ad for a product that isn't named in the ad. It is very likely from the government. I didn't open it because oh dear, opening an ad off to the side of your email page is like opening a door into hell. But I am guessing it's from the Feds.
   Tbhere is only one nigger in it however he is being supported by the white arm of a white female. Everyone else is squeaky clean white. White people anxious to pay their taxes. Did you ever see more excited people? Ayn Rand would call this "the sanction of the victim" but I would call it "the enthusiasm of the stupid."
   The idea here is that you are supposed to be excited to be sending your money to Niggbama since he made it possible for you to have any. It's their currency and they provided the job somehow, so it's their money. You are just returning what is theirs.  Let's get excited about it! Well, these white people did. And the token, he's pretty excited to. Probably because he is going to get to fuck the white bitch grabbing at him prior to a reacharound. Good times!

Allah The Asswipe

   This pretty much sums up my opinion of Allah, Mohammed, Islam, and the Koran. Just for the record.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

When Islam Takes Over

   If you understand politics and government and can see down the road of history - which is easy to do if you understand politics and government - it's pretty clear Islam will one day be the rule on the planet. For one thing it's not all THAT different from any other kind of government in history, plus it has some aspects men will like: you get to kill your wife and you get to fuck your daughters and then kill them too when you are done. All that is asked - well demanded - of you if you are a man, and Islam is a government of men - is that you pay tribute to whoever your government rep is and that you proclaim allah as your deity and mohammed as his prophet and do the shit they all do on a regular OCD basis and of course never progress past the growing wheat and having goatherds stage of commercial development. Mohammed, to give credit where it is due, understood the true nature of government in its basic form and got rid of all the crap and the nonsense and said "government is a religion. religion comes from god. And i have the hotline to god." He stole this idea from the Hebrews, as did the Church of Rome. However Mohammed was hostile to the Hebrew religion whereas the Church of Rome used it as a template to justify a shitload of nonsense, but unlike the Hebrews made the Hebrew Messiah their deity, which the Hebrews absolutely refused to do and have been in the shitter of life ever since because of it.
   So Islam is destined to be the world religion and the world government. Only the Jews of Israel will not capitulate. The Christians will roll over like the French did for Hitler. Eventually Islam and Israel will come so an accord which the Muslims will break. You don't NEED the Bible to see this but it is interesting that what is happening right now was mentioned there. I mean, it's interesting, if nothing else.


   I have 5 days left on my ban from interacting with Facebook. I have been off it for two months. I was banned for a month and then when I was unbanned I was banned again for something I said a year before. So I seem to be on the permanent ban list. I say things on other facebook walls that get you not banned from that wall but banned from Facebook. Which is fine, who gives a shit, facebook isn't getting any of my money, they're getting someones', apparently, but not mine, so who cares what they decide to do about me, I'm just there for the screaming and yelling.
   I am able to patrol Facebook however and I notice that the Right Wingers are still preaching to the Right Wingers. I only have right Wingers on my "friends" list because while they are as devoted to government as the Left Wingers, they are not quite as diabolical, and I find that somewhat more relaxing than the Left Wingers who are basically anchored onto an evil boat heading into an abyss and want to take everyone with them who they dont kill first.
   Politics is basically a woman's place because politics is all about trying to get someone else to do something you could very easily do yourself but don't want to take the responsibility or risk the possibility of failing at what you want someone else to do for you, or you are just too fucking lazy and stupid to do it yourself. This is what women have men for. Politics is all about moving the couch on a huge global scale.
   All men who are in politics are basically women in their souls. They are just wearing the uniform men wear. Underneath that uniform are panties, ribbons, slips, makeup, jewelry, hissyfits, pouts, and drunken hours spent sucking penises and lying about things.
   So these Right Wingers are spending their days in the bathroom of life, actually, trying to make themselves beautiful and trying to get heard and trying to get someone else to do things for them and trying to be the focus of the world's attention in narcissistic desperation, having nothing of inherent value in their nature, and trying to get the Left Wingers to obey them. Which is fine, that's what the Left wingers are doing too. The problem is the Right Wingers tend to accuse the Left of being douchebags. Even though the Right is doing the exact same thing as the Left.
   Right Wingers don't see this. They think they are doing something different than the Left is. They think they are doing something manly.
   You don't get to see how silly both sides are until you are allowed to watch the fracas but not allowed to fight in it. Then you see clearly that none of it accomplishes anything. It just keeps everyone busy while both sides are getting fucked in the ass by the women in charge. Which is not the people on Facebook. The women in charge are the people who own Facebook and are monitoring which way the wind is blowing and systematically shutting down any gusts that are coming from a direction they don't approve of.

The Mormons And The Masons

   Joseph Smith was apparently a Mason. The spin that the pro-Mormon sites put on it is that he was a Mason simply as a tactic to gather like-minded allies who would rally politically to the defense of his church in times of trouble.
   I ain't buyin' this whopper. This is the kind of shit the Muslims and the commies and DC and the Church of Rome would concoct to try and make some heinous assault into a charitable work of mercy.
  The present day Mormon heirarchy "takes no stand for or against Masonry." This means they are for it. People who are against things are always vocal about it. People who are for things that are basically evil always say they have no opinion. Having opinions is not that fucking tough, just ask the drunk at the saloon, he has an opinion on everything. And so does everyone else. Someone who has no opinion on something is saying he has an opinion you won't like and that his opinion might get him some flack or wrath or scorn from the neighbors and the public and the press so he "has no opinion on the matter." He's a liar in other words.
   If Joseph Smith was able to "find no fault" with something as heinous as Masonry then he likely would have no trouble pretending that the Bible was an inherent part of his new religion. Which it isn't. It's just there to lure actual Christians into the fold and to present a "Christian" front to his tormentors. Which is shrewd but it's a tactic, it's not part of the religion. The actual religion is the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants, whatever the fuck that is. The Bible is just thrown in to keep the actual Christians at bay. Which of course you have to do because Christians are so fucking weak in their belief system they have to crush all other belief systems, as do the Muslims. the Bhuddhists and the Jews and the Hindus and the Shintoists, etc, never do this. Only sociopathic cults do this. And that would be Christianity and Islam. Those are the only two sociopathic cults that come to mind at the moment.

This Is Why We Need Cops

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


   Christians can be encouraged to believe anything preposterous if it is told to them by another Christian claiming it is God's will for them. "I am sure this is what God wants for you: suck my cock and be blessed by doing His Will."
   "God's word came to me last night that if you send me 500 dollars and swear an oath to it he will bless you with tenfold abundance."
   "I know it is Jesus' will that you shop at this good Christian car dealership."
   "Let Jesus find you a mate at Christian Love Relationships Forever In Christ Dating Service." Yeah, ok, I can't find someone to fuck, maybe Jesus can pimp me up some action.
   Christians will fall into a swoon of gullibility if you just drag Jesus into the shenanigans. It's magical.
   And Jesus, for all his amazing abilities, never seems to be able to get the hang of talking to someone directly. He always has to have someone else tell you. He tells them and then they tell you. He never just comes to you. Maybe Jesus is so in awe of your dynamic majesty that he is too bashful or doesn't feel worthy to talk to you personally. So he has someone, probably even dumber and more fucked up that you, tell you.
   Why would you listen to Jesus at all in that case, if he can't bring himself to talk to you directly. Maybe he knows you're stupid and that this approach will work better: using the stupid approach on you to get things down to your level. Maybe that's it.



Jackie Mason pretty much ripped Starbucks a new asshole a long time ago, which everyone has likely seen by now, and is apparently ignoring, because the place is still packed.
   But I think I can turn that around by mentioning something about Starbucks coffee that no one seems to have noticed, or if they have noticed it they are afraid to mention it for fear of being labeled a Christian by the commie atheist lesbian fucks who infest the place: and that item is -  if you don't drink the shit within two minutes while it is still too scalding to drink, it turns more bitter than the Furnace Creek ground water in Death Valley.
   I guess no one has noticed this. Or if they have they have believed some propaganda - probably originating in the Starbucks executive office headquarters -  that "all coffee does this as it cools."
   This is not actually true: Peets coffee - the company that Starbucks ripped off - their coffee does not get bitter even if you leave it on the fucking porch with your foot in it overnight. It might have birdshit in it the next morning, but it won't be bitter. Starbucks coffee however will pucker the corners of an anvil five minutes after you get it.
   This however doesnt seem to bother anyone who shops there for their daily face-contorting brew of boiling tar.
   And none of this addresses the problem of Starbucks selection of "pastries" that a fucking pigeon wouldn't eat. A fucking Power Bar is more scrumptious than a Starbucks "pastry" item. You could bail all the water out of a sinking rowboat by tossing a Starbucks slice of "cake" into the bilge and wait five seconds while the water flowed enthusiastically into the absorbing rectangle of dessication before you hauled it out of the boat and into the sea. In time of course the seas would be gone too, so this is not recommended.

The Dalai Lama

   When I got talked into an ipod the guy that talked me into it had a 20 gig music library that he installed on it. In it was a series of lectures by the Dalai Lama.
   Let me tell you, this man is a fucking moron. I am not being a wiseguy or a smartass or ironic or sarcastic or satirical. Let me emphasize that. No, he is a fucking moron. And he is revered as a fucking source of wisdom and knowledge and understanding by billions of people even stupider than he is!!
   I mean, we have some real problems on this planet and one of them is the proliferation of idiots.
   He is real easy to understand, too. I mean, he does not use confusing vocabulary or complex sentences or dabble in anything that would remotely referred to as "big ideas." No. Not at all. This dude is as simple-minded as they come. A fucking tea-lady locked in the attic since childhood and playing with dolls to try and erase a trauma is as easy to understand as this guy. In fact he is probably called dalai because it sounds like dolly, which is what he should be talking to, not people. He should be talking to dolls and playing with dolls.
   PLUS he wears a dress. It's not called a dress but it's a fucking dress. If you have a penis and you wear a dress, there's something wrong with you. You are not a source of wisdom. You are a source of confusion and stupidity and bewilderment. You are a source of silliness.
   Apparently being idiotic is why people like him: if the source of all wisdom is speaking jibberjabber, hey, that's easy to understand, let's do what he says, we'll be considered wise for being idiots.
   Seems to be working.

Dykeface Cunt Bitch

     This lipless apparition of deranged man-hating evil is Kristine Sink, s-i-n-k, Sink, rhymes with cunt. She is a guard in a prison somewhere in the US, I can't be bothered looking it up right now.
   She has a problem with men living in concrete holding tanks looking at porn. Let me clarify that: it's not the living in concrete holding tanks that bothers her; it's that they are looking at porn while they are in there that has her in a fury.
   So she managed to put a stop to it by doing what all dykes do, threatening to sue, since the courts all bow down to dykes because they yell and scream and spit like enraged Muslims when they don't get their way and no one apparently has the energy or the know-how to either ignore them or beat the shit out of them; which is apparently what dykes enjoy since they all seem to go out of their way to invite a beating. Which of course just makes them worse and makes you feel like shit. It's all very demonic, but no one seems to want to look at that either.
   So she got the porn movies thrown out and now all the prisoners throw shit at her and jack off in front of her.
   And now she doesnt like that either.
   You just can't please women.
   Or men with vaginas.
   That twat between their legs apparently has a lot of brain-eating enzymes in it that make you stupid and angry.
   It doesn't take Sigmund Freud to understand why she wanted to work in a mens prison in the first place "cause prison is where all men belong" is the mantra of the angry dykes. I'll say this about fags, first of all they dress nicer than dykes do, PLUS they are a lot more pleasant than dykes. Fags are always ready with a small dish of pastries or candies when you come over. Dykes just look at you and sneer when you come over or else ignore you altogether and can't wait for you to leave. They're just rude people. Fags are only rude to you if you don't notice the new curtains. And then it's not even rudeness, they just cry a bit and pout and you have to prop them up emotionally and take them to a nice antique shop or to an Indian restaurant. I'm sure you know all this.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


   It is my conclusion that the good angels dont like mankind anymore than the bad angels do. The difference is, I have concluded, that the good angels have decided to grit their - whatever they grit - and go along with God's purposes for mankind whereas the bad angels have decided God is screwing up with mankind and have gone to war with man: by pretending that they like him and want to help him achieve things that the bad angels have already confiscated from him. They lie a lot. In other words. All over the place.
   In the Bible you never hear the angels really chatting it up with humans. When they do show up at God's orders they do so - it appears to me - sullenly. It's like the Army: "I'll do it; but I don't have to like it." You can say that to a General even if you are a private and he will just say "Good." It's not in the rules that you have to like your orders. And you get to say so. And you get to scowl when you get them. And kick things over. You just have to obey them.
   The good angels in the Bible always seem to be a bit stand-offish. Like they don't want to get to close to humans. For one reason or another.
   The bad angels don't even show up to chat, or at least if they do it's by some more subtle means than just appearing. Only three times does any bad angel show up: and it's always Lucifer. He showed up to Adam and Eve who were godlike before they became Luciferlike, he showed up to God to argue a case for tormenting Job, and he showed up to Jesus - who was God. I personally believe he showed up to kill all the firstborn of Egypt, too. He got the go ahead and he wasted no time, and was pretty accurate. Now you might say from this that Lucifer follows orders too. Actually he was just unrestrained for a specific purpose. He probably tried to kill everyone in sight he just couldn't. He could only kill the first born. And at that only the unprotected ones. He probably came away from that deed totally pissed off that he had his hands tied.
   The good angels, when they show up, display hostility as often as not. One angel yelled at some human for falling down and bowing to him. The good angel got pissed. Bowing to an angel apparently is a temptation to them and they dont like being tempted. The bad angels?...they actually insist that you bow down to them. Niggers are fond of saying "bow down," lately, meaning, bow down to them. I guess they like it when you do that. Wonder why that is.
   An angel showed up to Gideon while he was hiding from the bad guys and called him a man of valor. This had to be a joke. Men of valor don't skulk about in fear. Apparently the good angels are wise asses.
   An angel got an attitude about Sarah laughing at his suggestion she could get pregnant at 90. He then asked her why she laughed. Like Adam, she lied to him. It wasn't the laughing that pissed him off it was the answer to his question, which was "I didn't laugh, (gulp, hope I get away with this.)" She didn't. Angels don't like being lied to, apparently. They don't care if you fuck with 'em, it seems. Just don't say you're not fucking with them if they ask you, and you are.
   A good angel approached Jesus' mom with news that must have hit her like a ton of bricks. "Hi!! You're going to get pregnant before marriage and without even getting laid!!" She had to be thinking, "This is not going to go over well with the family and community." She could not have liked this idea. But you don't have to like it. You just have to do it. She said "Ok. Do whatever it is you are going to do." The rest is - literally - history. A history that has moved mankind forward ever since, though a lot of people don't seem to think so.

Some Funny Muslim Shit

   This was the opening of one of the Jihad Watch site's anti Islamic items, HAHAHAHAHA

"So many misunderstanders of jihad, and Hamas-linked CAIR is only talking to the easily foolable kuffar, with their new ad campaign whitewashing jihad:
“My Jihad is to stay fit despite my busy schedule. What’s yours?”
“My Jihad is to build friendships across the aisle. What’s yours?”
“My Jihad is to not judge people by their cover. What’s yours?”
Shdha Elias tragically ran into some misunderstanders of jihad, whose jihad was to cut her throat."

Monday, January 7, 2013

Your Constitutional Gun Rights

    I was watching some video a gun advocate sent around in which Diane Feinstein, a communist Jew, was saying in one clip she does not want to take everyones' guns and another clip where she said she wants nothing better than to take everyones' guns. The point of the video was that "the only thing keeping her from taking away your Constitutional rights is that she does not have enough votes to do it yet."
   The problem with convincing someone lied-to from infancy that he believes a lie is that he won't believe you. Because you didn't tell him that he believes a lie until he was a lot older. You needed to tell him the same day the lie was told to him so that he could look at them both objectively: the lie and the truth, and then start doing some research.
   One of these lies is that the Constitution is where your rights come from. That's why the Constitution is always being interpreted and altered and changed and supplimated and detracted from. Cause that's where you think your rights are. You think they are in the Constitution. So the way to change your rights or add more rights or take some rights away or alter some rights or abridge some to do all these things to the Constitution! Which is where your rights are!! Yaaaay!!!
   Which is why you have no rights. Cause the Constitution gave them to you and the Constitution took them away. Because you think that that is where your rights come from and where they reside. In the Constitution. So it's a daily merry-go-round of more rights, less rights, sublimated rights, augmented rights, a whiligig of rights rights rights. From the Constitution. Written by Englishmen. Who wouldn't know a right from a dick up the ass.
   This belief that your rights come from the Constitution is a lie. And a pretty stupid one. But it's what you were taught by all the adults in your life and it was taught with a lot of emotion and energy and belief.
   We are programmed by Nature to respond affirmatively as children to this sort of adult training. It's why a Zulu becomes a Zulu. It's why a Constitutionalist becomes a Constitutionalist. It's why an Arab becomes a Muslim. Because adults lie to their young. Because we are a cursed species, loving lies above truth. Ask Adam and Eve. They're the ones that put it into you. It's all they knew and all they loved. Lies. And now it's all that you know and love. So who can blame you for being stupid. You were born that way to stupid parents who believed lies and then taught them to you.
   There is nothing more funny or annoying than watching a bloviating patriotic American numbskull proclaiming the virtues of the Constitution. I always want to start pistol-whipping these idiots. The only reason I don't is because it's bad for the pistols. Which is another lie: "pistol-whipping is a good way to beat someone." It isn't. It's a good way to fuck up your guns. Leave that to your representatives. Don't worry, they won't let you down, they will fuck up your guns for you. It's in the Constitution.

Carlsbad Caverns; Earth's Asshole Welcomes Yours

   Like all of the parks in the National Park "system," Carlsbad Caverns is a fucking mess.
   The National Park system was the bright idea of Theodore Roosevelt, renowned socialist and part of the Roosevelt legacy for the Communization of America. The National Park System was a way to get this ball of Marxist horror rolling whilst - you like that word, "whilst"? - whilst decorating it with trees and lakes and blue skies and white snow and little bunnies hopping through the forest. It also guaranteed that commercializing these scenic vistas - or making them safe and comfortable and capitalistically viable and profitable and enjoyable and American, in other words - would never ever ever fucking happen. And so what we have today are European Style National Socialist Death Traps that you have to not only pay to enter, you are not allowed to be comfortable or well fed in them either until you fucking leave, assuming you are able to leave without being carried out.
   Carlsbad Caverns follows this pattern and tradition magnificently by making your exploration of a fucking cave a laborious, dangerous, primitive and primal ritualistic journey through a delightfully mystical and unicorn forest of dead dank stone and epochal seepage and unfumigatable eons of ongoing bat-contagion -  none of which items you can actually see because it is too fucking dark!!!
   Of course lights would "ruin it." That is always the favorite reason given for nothing ever getting done that would increase comfort and enjoyment at a National Park; "It would ruin it."
   Hey, pal; it's already fucking ruined. The National Park System under the careful and intelligent guidance of Teddy Roosevelt, took care of that. He had his fun fucking up the environment and shooting everything in it and living the high life for free at your expense, now you can go there and experience deprivation and pain and suffering, as is the case with all government programs. Customer service?...oh dear, how crass, what would Teddy Roosevelt say. He would say, "Why no-ho-ho, Wilbur.  We have to preserve this lovely terrain that can kill you in an instant from a thousand different quarters and you must suffer here, because I have declared it so."
   That "separation of powers" thing you think exists in our government?... for the record, you're the only one that thinks that. Because no one in Congress or the Judiciary opposed this stupid idea that Teddy The Genius Camper Roosevelt came up with for declaring certain scenic locations off-limits to human comfort and safety and forever free from commercial improvement and private maintainance. So now it will all remain uninhabited and inhospitable for eternity.
   Leave it to a fucking bureaucratic autocrat of the public sector to declare pain and suffering "a national treasure."
    Let me tell you what separation of powers really means. It means you have no powers and your "representatives" are omnipotent. At least over you. That's what it means.
   So Carlsbad Caverns is a hole 70 stories down into the ground that you are not allowed to see. However you are allowed to patrol along a path which is eternally wet and steep and which if you lose your footing you will plummet into an abyss so alienly terrifying HP Lovecraft would be hard put to properly describe it. And it will be your fault. Because the Park System says so.
   If you could stay in the caverns for any length of time, in, say, and of course God forbid, a hotel setting?....THEN it would be cool. The place cries out to the stars and to the gods for customer-satisfying amenities. Like, say....oh, what would be something useful, say maybe FUCKING SAFETY NETS??? MAYBE??? And forget about a fucking chair. Or a fucking coat. or a soda. Or a fucking "visit Carlsbad Caverns" insurance policy.
   Forget about it all, sucker. Carlsbad Caverns is a National Park. You go, you pay, you do what you're told, which is "do nothing fun or interesting and you keep your mouth shut about it or you stay out, this is our park not yours."
   And speaking about should see the layout across the way from the peons-only tourist building where you are allowed that has been built for the government staffers. It looks like the fucking Taos Hilton. They have the untrammeled highpoint of the terrain to view the vast vistas of Southeastern New Mexico far below for a 20 year stretch of doing absolutely nothing but making your visit a royal pain in the ass -  plus retirement and medical benefits -  at your expense, you being the sap on the narrow steep slippery path into darkness and cold and "please keep moving" bullshit. Meanwhile you get to stay at White's City, 7 miles away near the highway, a forbidding, menacing-looking abandoned motel morass that looks like a failed teepee-shaped whorehouse wayside off Route 66 in 1940 Albuquerque. Without the teepees.  Or else you get to stay in Carlsbad 20 miles away, a town with the worst motel reviews on the internet. Not surprising, Carlsbad New Mexico is the energy-drainer of the universe. If you enter one end in a good mood and manage to leave the other end in a good mood, then you entered the first end asleep and exited the other end wide awake with Jaime Pressly masturbating her naked pussy in front of your face and telling you how big your dick is and that you made her come harder than any nigger ever could.
     Everywhere are signs ordering you to "enjoy your National Park." Haha, just try it, asshole. Try and enjoy yourself, you will be in a Federal jail faster than you can jizz your pants from looking at a cheerleader's cameltoe at a high school football game. You're in Washington DC when you're in a National Park. You are not in a State anymore. You're not even in America anymore. You just think you're in New Mexico. You are wrong. You are in Washington DC, and Washington DC is not at all concerned about whatever State you think you are in because you are not in it. You are in the District of Columbia, and Jesus Christ only knows what the fuck a "district" is, but that's where you are, in a fucking district. Now me, I define district as "a foreign government on American shores." But I seem to be in a minority of one in this. I of course am used to that since I am the only one I have ever met without the implant. Everyone else defines the District of Columbia as "America." The District of Columbia has done more to eradicate America than preserve it, I don't know why the place gets so much fucking homage and loyalty, it's a fucking district. WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THAT!!!
   Hey, everybody, it's a district, what could be more bitchin' than having a district. Offhand I can't think of anything more bitchin' than that. We could even change the name of the Country: the United States of District. Which is the creator of the District Park System. Where you go to suffer and possibly die alone and with no phone service available while enjoying yourself. Because you're a white American brainwashed asshole who thinks you are having a really swell time getting fucked in the ass. Hey, it could be you're queer besides. That would explain why you are enjoying getting fucked in the ass.
   At the bottom of the cave, 70 stories down, are two elevators that take you back up if you don't want to walk up the 70 story switchback-based path that would likely give you a heart attack to do without two years of training at a Marine base first.
   One of these elevators has been broken for years. That's "year" with an s.
   We went up with all 4 Rangers who were working the "big room" as it's called at the bottom. Just me and Cecily and the four Rangers. One of whom was a gluttonous, pinheaded, fucking ape. He was so fucking disgusting and had such a fucked up personal aura that he would have been fired from Walmart as being too ignorant of others' right to life and happiness and civility to be inhabiting the same building with them.
   We went up the elevator with all four of these bureaucrats, three of whom were normal, one of whom was too stupid to be in the Honey BooBoo family but was certainly fat enough to be.
   There are two elevators and one of them has been out of commission for two years. Two years.
   One of the Rangers telling us this said "They built the shafts and installed the elevators in less time than it's taken to repair what's already here."
   When you are just two idiot citizens with four autocratic imperious wardens of the community keeping peace and creating order out of chaos like God, the Rangers, allow the two idiot citizenry - that would be me and Cecily -  a sacred look into the inner sanctum of uncensored Ranger small talk. So they were saying things to us they would not have said to others. Plus, I have an astounding gift for putting cops and military personnel - any bureaucrat carrying a firearm, basically - into a hypnotic trance of camaraderie and trust.
   So we're going up the working elevator with these 4 cops and the elevator guy, and one of the cops says "Want to see things without the lights on?" I say sure, sounds like fun. So we go up with just the installed lights inside the shaft visible and the whizzing rock walls flying past. They turn on the lights again and we all chat pleasantly except for the behemoth vat of ambergris and I smiled at the vast blob of pig guts and inquired, even though it was not spoken in a question form but as a statement, I inquired, "So, did the elevators start breaking down before or after you started riding in them."
   I did not ask him this like a smart ass, I asked him this assuming the tone of someone who was not happy with his appearance and job performance. There is a way to do this. And if you do it right, it mimics the way his real and actual boss talks to him - because all bosses talk and act the same way when they are unhappy with you, it's part of the management and executive culture, it's like a religion - and he was too suddenly nervous to get mad. And because I was so accusatory with enough wiggle-room for denial ("Oh, I was only curious about the exact date. I wasn't saying you are too huge for Modern Man to hoist up and down with his machines because of your inability to stop eating. Nothing like that.")( that sort of wiggle room) ...because I was clearly being critical but with no sign of fear but said it like i was some sort of disguised Personnel Spy from the Park Service...the other three immediately stepped-up to calm the waters.
   So the other three were audibly muffling guffaws and one intervened immediately to "have my back" so to speak and said "Ummm...I think that was long after you got here, Bob" (or whatever the fuck it was - I got his picture, his name is likely on his badge) and Bob just fumed like a fucking steamboat, which he actually closely resembled.
   The point of all this, if there is one, is that the Park Service is not a service. It's a huge Fuckup. It should be called the National Park Fuckup. Not the National Park Service.
   And that's all I'm sayin'.