The Catholic Confessional

 

Priests have to be the luckiest dudes in history, they get to hear 14 year old girls talking about their nipples and their pussies and their boyfriend's dicks: "...and tell me my child did you actually put your mouth onto his penis?...." "Well, just my tongue, Father. I only licked the head of his cock and tickled the rim." "...and did you touch his testicles?" "Would that matter?" "Oh, yes, touching the testicles is a longer time in Purgatory and it could be a lower rung of hell if you were to die before a good Confession after touching the testicles. Tell me, have you ever touched your brother's testicles?" "Well, yes, he used to make me feel them when I started wearing a training bra. He said his testicles were full of pus, cause that's where the dead blood cells went after attacking intruders and that he needed to have the pus released. He said pulling on his balls while he pumped his cock would release the dead white cells. Why do you ask?" "...and have you ever played with other peoples' brother's cock or your sister's vagina? Do you have any sisters my child?"
   I mean, when does that ever get old? Never. That's when it gets old. Never.
   Not to mention the faggot priests, which are about 50% of them. Yes, the Catholic priesthood has something for everyone.
   "I masturbated 20 times since my last confession." "I see. Tell me about them. Do you remember the time and place of each one? And describe as much about the degree of arousal of your penis from moment to moment if you can so I can chart the sinfulness and determine your penance."
   And of course in the Catholic Brainwashing Lectures, which start at infancy, activities involving your sex organs are the worst activities you can undertake here on this earth - or "veil of tears," as the Church refers to terrestrial human life. It's a veil of tears. Get used to it. Life is a veil of tears. And your cock and balls are the major cause of why you are crying, and if you are not crying it is because you are still alive and have not yet died and gone to hell where your sins of the cock and balls are going to send you. Unless you tell me all about them in a little booth of darkness while I cum and cum and cum under my black Muslim Pakistani dress-like garment worn by perverts in Persia throughout all of history, which garment is very allergic to underwear, so I never wear any, now tell me about your cock and balls again, please, my little newly-pubertized lad?....
   Most of the tears of the veil in the veil of tears are caused by the Catholic Church, as it turns out, or at least a whopping lot of them are. They always fail to mention that in the veil of tears references. "Thanks to us your life will be a veil of tears. And if it is already we will not be alleviating that situation in any way, in fact just the opposite, you will become more distraught than ever after a few years with us." They never say that. The veil of tears is created by everything BUT the Church, according to the Church. The Church is the sanctuary for happiness, don't you know, a brief respite from the veil of tears. "Come to us for fun and delights."
   Actually I have never heard a Catholic representative ever say that. I just said it to be humorous. Just so you understand that. You don't become a Catholic so that you can at last relax about your sin-caused debt. There is no "fun and delights" aspect to Catholicism, unless it's to get rip roaring drunk. Which, by the way, is not much of a failing, if you are a Catholic. And if it is a failing you will wait a long long time to hear a sermon about it or have a guilt trip laid on you about it. Maybe its because getting drunk leads to sins of the gonads, which you can then be lectured about and your life turned into a veil of tears, fear-filled hell about.
   No, you do not become a Catholic for fun and delights. You become a Catholic so that you can have your foul and disgusting debt-to-God from sin itemized and the bill written-up and printed out and handed to you over and over so that you can see it clearly and have it drilled into you how much you owe to God and to Holy Mother Church in reparations so that you will not burn in hell for eternity.
   Which is basically Catholicism in a nutshell. For those of you investigating comparative religions. It's learning what hell is and why you are going there unless you atone and do penance and make reparations and pay back God what He is owed for you causing God to create you and forcing God to   bring you into existence due to the sins of your parents fucking each other and offending your Creator by fucking because fucking is a sin a fucking sin a sin of fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin fucking sin.
   So you owe God. Because you have things on you that fuck and squirt and make you feel good.
   You are filth.
   Welcome to Catholicism! If you have been moved and inspired to have a revelation from the preceeding 3 paragraphs then I have just converted you. Welcome. Please learn the Holy Days of Obligation as soon as possible and the rules of fasting and abstinence, if they are still in existence, and destroy all your material possessions except for the ones you give to the Church. Thank you. Go in peace.

   "Bless me Father for I have sinned. I played with my brother's penis." "And so you are saying he raped you, my child?" "No, Father, he just showed it to me and asked me if I wanted to touch it." "And did you want to touch it? Or did he force you to touch it." "Well, I sort of wanted to touch it but I never would have gone to him first. He came to me." "Are you both at puberty?" "Yes, he is a year older than me." "Were your breasts exposed when he asked you if you wanted to touch his penis?" "Well, no." "Did they become exposed during the course of you touching his penis?" "Well, yes...." "Did the sight of your breasts have an effect upon his penis?" "Well, he said they did." "Are your breasts especially enticing? Or do you think he was just trying to pull you into his sin further with his lies." "I think they look ok. He seemed pretty sincere about liking them when he saw them." "Did he remove the clothes from your breasts, or did you." "Well, I did. He told me to hurry." "Were you excited by the idea of touching his penis?" "Well, no. Just curious. But I started to get aroused when he put his fingers on my nipples." "Had you been sexually aroused before?" "Well, maybe. But never with a boy. Just my girlfriends. And sometimes alone." "Let's stay with one sin at a time, please, if you don't mind. You can tell me about the other sins with your girlfriends and when you are alone, tomorrow. Or we can schedule a confession for you. Maybe in the woods. Do you like the woods? I am kidding of course. Let's stay focused upon your time with your brother. Please. I beg you. Now start all over. He came into your bedroom? The shower? Where exactly were the both of you when this happened. When this business between you and your brother's penis happened. I believe you had your breasts exposed and your brother was touching your nipples and all the while his penis was erect and you were becoming sexually aroused. As I recall. Is that correct?"

   Yeah; the Confessional. It rocks!