Monday, January 14, 2013

Worst Cover Ever

   This is the cover of the current "holiday issue" of Playboy.
   This is the grungiest Playboy cover in its 50 year history. Forget about the atrocity of the fucking model, whoever the fuck Paz is, the whole rest of it looks like some piece of shit from Marie Claire. Paz looks like Tom Cruise attempting to look manly. The font of half the writing looks like some crap from an Aztec Monthly basketweaving newsletter. The photo itself looks like it was done with a Coolpix, model 1, number 1. The "beach" looks like Polio Bay in Whittier, "Paz" looks like something with a blown-out snatch more fucked up than a collection of tire debris off to the side of the road, her legs look like king crabs, she pro'bly has crabs, she has the fingernails of a dock worker, she's wearing dog tags because she's a  fucking actual dog.
   This has to mean that Hugh Hefner died and they are just not telling anyone yet. This can not have gotten past his desk with him still breathing at it. Hustler covers don't look this gross and crappy. This looks like OUI just before it collapsed. No wonder their subscription rates are so low: they know they will never have to deliver on the mags cause this is likely its last month. I guess they figured they would go out the exact opposite of the way they came in. They came in with some class.


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