New Overland Letter To Trump

re: Lindsey Graham

Dear Donald Trump,

     Ya know, that impotent emaciated over the hill dinosaur Lindsey Graham has a lotta nerve saying you are wrecking the Republican Party. Like as though they need you to do that. Self-destruction is something they have been handling on their own for 50 years. For that buzzard to say you're the one doing it is being overly modest.

     And I'll tell ya something, ya gotta wonder what was goin' on in Graham's parents' minds when they gave their son a girl's name. Whatever the reason was it turns out they did the right thing. Maybe they knew something. After all, they saw him naked before they named him.

     "We can't call him Alexander. Look at 'im."

     "Ya know, you're right. He looks as delicate as a bunny made of tinsel. Plus there's, ya know, the sex-organ matter."

     "Well we can't just give him a girl's name. I mean, he'll have to be in school eventually. He'll be pummeled every day."

     "Then let's call him Lindsay. Then he'll only be pummeled half the time. 'Cause 'Lindsey' is, ya know, neither really male and neither really female. Kinda like, well, him."

     "How about we call him 'Rock.'"

     "You can't be serious. Have you ever seen a rock?"

     "You're right. Lindsey it is."

     That tired, exhausted, pizzle-faced dullard named after a baking-ingredient needs to really go out and sit on the ice and wait for a polar bear to end his sad-faced existence. "Lindsey Graham." Now there's a name that fires the blood, don't it? Lindsey Graham vs Donald Trump. That's like saying Sissy Spacek vs Thor. Holy crap. Can you imagine the deranged delusionalism of that withered old soggy  smelly human codpiece? All the problems the Republicans have and they see you as the fucking culprit? Jesus Water-Into-Wine Christ.

     "Lindsey." 

     You know, I'm not surprised he has his head up his ass, with a name like that. He had to be bleeding and on the ground every afternoon when the school bell sounded to go home. He's got to have had more concussions from bullies than even Obama. But then Barack managed to keep the pummellings down to a minimum by having sex with the bullies at their command. I don't think there's a bully on earth that would want to have sex with Graham. So he likely got the full servings of punches that were scheduled. 

     In summation I would like to say, screw Lindsey Graham. Thank you.

Sincerely, 

J.J. Solari