Friday, November 2, 2012

Disney Buys Lucas Episode 6

  Disney has already started a publicity campaign with Darth Vader and a couple of storm troopers touring Disneyland. It took three days for this to happen once the news got out. It's been in the wings likely for ten years. The marketing kings from whom George Lucas learned all that he knows will show to Lucas what marketing a lunchpail really is. Lucas will merely nod and acknowledge the masters and wish them well with his stuff. Then the engine that is Walt Disney Inc will enshroud the planet overnight with announcements of Star Wars 7. There will be no secrecy, there will be no speculation, there will be no surprises, there will only be promises and proclamations of enthusiasm and excitement, buy your tickets now, buy some for your kids, Tinker Bell will be a Jedi in Episode 8 and in episode 20 Mickey Mouse will defeat the sorcerer who is fabricating minions of monsters to inundate the universe. Walt Disney will have come full circle, having unconsciously created the Star Wars Entities before Lucas was even born and now bringing them into eternal life.
   Walt Disney, in case anyone is not aware, was the most artistic giant of the 20th Century, followed only by Hitler. And it was a close race.
   Toward the end of the 20th Century, Reader's Digest, as it's last gasp of life after having been the most popular periodical in history during that period of America when America began to slide backward quickly from being the land of the individual to being the land of the communal, or in other words sliding from the Future back into the Branch it's last gasp it published something called Our Glorious Century.
   I am in that book.
   This may not be a big deal to you but it is to me because Walt Disney and Adolph Hitler are also in that book.

 I was told by a verascient that it was not an accident. I asked it "You mean Adolph Hitler and Walt Disney being in it?" The verascient, being very literal and not understanding comedy, said it was not an accident that all three of us were in it. I said "My contributions to human history in no way measure up to Walt Disney's and certainly not to My Beloved Fuehrer; his death being the perennial cause of my endless tears at his absence even unto this day." Since this was a statement and not a question the verascient did not respond to it.
   Fair to say it is only my image that is in it. And fair to say there is the image of other Mouseketeers surrounding me. But let me ask you: are they oracles? Do they speak in cosmic-spanning truths and revelations? Have they been in the tunnels? Have they been in the corridors? Have they entered into the Caverns of the Cold Light? Have they seen the earth from 30,000 miles?  Don't think so, Sparkles.
   Walt Disney and George Lucas are the only two movie makers who have managed to include as many popular villains into the pop culture as popular nice guys. Cap't Hook, a total prick, Snow White's Queen, a narcissistic hottie with the soul of a troll, Cruella DeVille who killed puppies, Chernobog, the Satanic monster atop Bald Mountain hauling naked women up to his lair, Darth Sideous, a soulless, drooling vulgarian murderer, Darth Maul, a machine of obedience to Sideous, an entire evil side that harbored the forces of evil for all to draw upon at their whim - all of these contrasted with vapid insipid nice things like Wookies and a Binks and teddy bear people and a super intelligent all powerful green dwarf who could not learn proper english syntax, Princess Bad Actress Leia and Bad Actor Luke, and the caustically empty and most insipidly vacuous imaginary creature of all time, Mickey Mouse.
  And then let us not forget the benevolent Dr. Morbious and his unstoppable entity of destruction, the creature born of his own soul, the monster from the id in Forbidden Planet - a Walt Disney-designed entity harboring back to Chernobog with no lessening of ferocity and heartlessness only now invisible. An endless progression of hatred in cartoon form. Yesssssss.


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