God's Will

   One day on a day I was in no mood for shitheads, some shithead, trying to impress me with her holiness - it's always women who wave this cute little dildo around - some shithead woman, unable to tackle the actual reality of whatever it was that was crawling up my ass and bothering me, what she decided to say about it in her endless reservoir of creativity and helpfulness, what she came up with was, and she said this with full confidence that it was true, what she said was, "It is God's will for you."
   And I replied, "Oh, really. Wow. You know God's will for me. Were you at his house? Did you go inside? I so envy you! (leaning in a bit) Tell me; was the place a mess? You know I always pictured God as being a bit of a slob. Not a filthy pig like a bum, you understand, but, you know, tossing his pants on the floor on his way to the shower. That sort of thing. And he has no wife after all. I mean, I envision sinks and sinks full of dirty dishes. There is more than one sink in the kitchen, is there not? I mean the heavenly hosts and all: they must come over for dinner once in a while. Our God is a gracious and bounty-bestowing God; no way he doesn't have at least a barbeque going once a week. How is it you two met? Mutual friend? I know your mother is very holy. Was it your mother introduced you to God? Or did he just send for you. Or did he come to the house!! You know that never occurred to me that he would just pop on over. I would love that if he did that to me. Really. I have always wanted to meet him. Tell me, when he said this particular problem I am having was his will for me, did he mention the matter of my hemorrhoids? That's another little sticky wicket. I dont think I mentioned it to you. But certainly God would know about it: so I was wondering -  when he was telling you his will for the one thing...did he mention my hemorrhoids? Frankly the hemorrhoid thing is a worse problem than the thing I was telling you about. They bleed like a room full of virgins being fucked by an arab. Where are you going???"
   Needless to say this cunt did not see one thing funny about this little chat.