Saturday, November 3, 2012

Disney Buys Lucas Episode 9

   The above picture does not resemble the living room of Benedetto, my Italian grandfather, but considering the breadth and scope of the lectures I received there it might as well have. Benedetto said that he was my "real school" and that the schools I would be attending to keep the cops away from the door were just day care indoctrination centers to teach children the importance of schools and so that schools could continue on throughout eternity with more and more school employees retiring at 30 to live long lives of free reward for their school service. He said only from him would I learn anything of value. My mother had already taught me to read and write, and in truth the only skill I learned in State school was rudimentary arithmetic - which I never needed other than to answer test questions.
   Once in a while in the room with Benedetto would be a visitor, and they changed. To make a long story a little shorter these were all organized crime participants. Or in other words they were employees of Raymond Loreda Salvatore Patriarca.
   One of the advantages of being a talented Catholic child in Boston - or anywhere else for that matter -  is that in return for you entertaining the nuns and the child molesting priests at various Mafia-organized fund-raising functions by doing your amazing little song and tap dance and being just so darn get to miss a whopping lot of days in school without anyone ever having a problem with it.
   On the days I was not in school at St Peter's in Cambridge or St. Adens in Boston or St Lazarus in Winthrop - I changed schools more than Trump changes wives - I was at Actual School with Willy the Nose, Lorca One Shot, Stabbing Vincenzo, Knobby No Dick Vianni, Droopy Vernie, Emptygun Donnie, Charlie Slobber, Happy Joey, and The Headcrusher. The Headcrusher was actually the most pleasant to be around. I was told at the time - I was 7 fa crise sakes - that he was called headcrusher because he used to wrestle opposing players in football to the ground by getting them in a headlock and they would, ya know, have a headache the next day. He was actually called that, it turns out, because he would crush debtor's heads between an anvil and a cement floor in his basement. Many years later when I was visiting him in the hospital prior to his death of cancer he would say to me things like, "You gatta be real careful wit dat anvil ya see cuz ya just want to scare the fuckers and make 'em think yer some kinda mentally crazed psycho, and they feel that anvil pressin' the side of their head here...and the cement floor pressin' the side of their head over can get 'em to - if they still cant pay - you can get 'em to agree to a TON of bartering arrangements: like fer instance their hot fifteen year olds attending catered affairs and functions fa one thing. Or their ol' ladies suckin' yer dick for anudder. I am a fair guy: a dicksuck from a hot wife will cover a lot of debt. Charlie Slobber calls it a weakness. I call it havin' some class. Why be a fuckin' greedy miserly motherfucker? Be generous to those who owe ya. It pays off in the long run. Jesus said so himself in fact. The fuckhead servant. The master forgave him his debts and the fuckhead servant meanwhile is beatin' the crap outa the saps who owe him money. The master finds out about it and fuckin' kills the fucker, he's so fuckin' pissed. Fuck that. I don't need the master killin me. If there is a master. I dunno. What am I, fuckin' Bishop Sheen I know about dis crap? So like I say you gotta be careful cause once you hear a loud eggshell sound, that's it, you gotta just plug em cause they ain't gonna heal, not from that. So you lose out. I only actually crushed ten heads, and that was always cause it was ME fuckin' up, not them, I mean they was in the mood to negotiate, lemmee tell ya. I take full reponsibility. But "headcrusher" just caught on with the assholes we work with and you know who I'm talkin' about HAHAHAHAHAHA fuckin' guini smartass pains in the ass HAHAHAHAHAHA. I mean it ain't all that justified cause I never actually crushed all that many heads."
   Headcrusher was a peach of a guy and I mean that. I miss him a lot. God rest the fucker.


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