Scottsdale Skags

Scottsdale has about the ugliest women in America. And there ain't even any Filipinos there, and they're about the ugliest race of people there is, edging out even Eskimos and American Aborigines. To make matters worse, they're all white. Even the cosmetic counters of the mall department stores are filled with sargasso. Usually the cosmetic departments are writhing hotbeds of lurid beauties from the party scenes in a CB DeMille Bible epic. In the Scottsdale malls they're the chicks from the breeding factories of the Flying Monkeys in the Wizard of Oz. They're all past middle age and they're all tacked and stapled together with surgical wire. What can't be buttressed is Botoxed into slablike lifelessness. It ain't pretty. They must be all Mob families livin' there cause the women are all REALLY HOMELY. What can I say, Mob women age fast. And apparently have access to a lot of body-and-fender guys in training who give bargain rates for pseudo-surgery that's more like stitching-up after an autopsy than it is cosmetic miracle-working. And the problem with getting shitty facial and chest surgery in a Mob town is that nobody's gonna tell you "Holy shit, you need to shoot your surgeon." Cause when this rancid broad tells her old man what you said he's gonna haffta shoot YOU. He won't have no fuckin CHOICE, fa crise sakes, everybody knows that. So I guess nobody fuckin' says nuthin'. And I suppose the old man don't really care what his ol' lady fuckin' looks like anyway, he's fuckin' one of his daughters girlfriends on the Very Q T so who give's a shit. And so the ugliness piles up 'cause these idiot last-rate surgeons ain't gettin' no fuckin' negative feedback, ya know?...the kinda feedback that makes you want to try and improve, ya know? It's a mess there in Scottsdale, I tell ya. And the "art" in that so-called art mecca? Oyvay. Fagedabowdit. I guess the guys that fail surgery school go into painting. Now after you think about that for a minute, try and imagine what these paintings look like. Now try and guess what they cost. Actually MORE THAN THE SHITTY SURGERY!! Yeah, it's quite a town. It's as surreal as Las Vegas but with none of the bitchin' stuff.