Sunday, June 28, 2015

Christians and Muslims


There needs to be a new word for the kind of Christian I am. One that clearly expresses the vast Grand Canyon that separates me from all the rest of Christianity. I am a Jesus Defender. I am not a "follower of Jesus." I am a defender of Jesus. I am about as interested in following in Jesus' footsteps as I am in getting my dick sucked by a piranha. I am about as interested in the "afterlife" as I am in becoming a Scientologist. I am monitoring mine and my neighbors' genitals about as much as I am monitoring the cat five blocks away. I give a shit about who marries who as I care about Jane Goodall's mother fucking chimpanzees. I defend Jesus. I do not "live a good life." I defend Jesus. I don't give a shit what you do if it doesnt affect me. What I do, if it doesn't affect you, is none of your business. Christianity is not about me. It's not about you. It's not about your balls. It's not about your daughter's pussy. Which I have seen. And licked. Christianity is about Jesus. Period. Who he is. What he did. Why he did it. And how he apparently failed miserably at it. And how you can use that to your immeasurable advantage. I defend Jesus and I preach the good news. which no one wants to hear. Because they have a lifelong investment in lies and misunderstanding and erroneous notions of behavior and a belief that only by policing their neighbors can peace on earth be achieved. Hey, fuck these assholes. I defend Jesus. Not you. In fact, I don't even like you. I am more satanic than I am Jesus-like. Jesus wants you to live and live abundantly. I want you to die a horrible death, preferably while I watch and eat hot dogs and drink beer and get a handjob from Jaime Pressly.
   It turns out this posting has nothing to do with Muslims. I apologize.


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