Dick Clark Starts 2010

I started 2010 looking at Dick Clark gurgle his way through a slurred, freak-faced, incomprehensible, completely disturbing, explanation of something nobody with any familiarity with the English language could decipher. All the teachers of Berlitz could not have figured out what Dick Clark was talking about. He sounded like a hundred year old toothless drunk on his deathbed wired-up with meth and jolts of electricity to keep him animate and emitting sounds. You want to feel sorry for him but the thought keeps pressing into your head that this is the way he wants it. He wants to be a spectacle of pathetic deterioration. And nobody can tell him no: he owns the show. For some reason. He might even own the airwaves. His production company makes the most watched shows on television. He is the Merv Griffin of the 21st Century. He is the Goodson and Toddman of the present. day. He is Desilu. He is the Walt Disney of the uninteresting. It is actually very difficult to tell if he is actually really alive. But then you have to assume he is because an artificial Dick Clark would never look that scary or sound that imbecilic. Anyone who made an animatronic that fucked up would be fired. So it has to be the real person. What's left of him. Apparently there's enough left of him to keep Ryan Seacrest on his toes. He goes to pieces whenever he has to stand next to wherever Clark is being propped and hoisted into place. I also saw the Black Eyed Peas singing a song so bad and worthless that even Mexican tv wouldn't have it on their video playlist. I am forever mystified why this musical ensemble is employed. And I aint one of them old fucks who "doesn't get these modern day entertainers." I am one of those old fucks who gets them real loud and clear and knows what is shit and what isn't. And the Black Eyed Peas, if they have one song that anyone would want to hear twice, I want to meet that person and give them a tone-deaf examination. They all just walked back and forth on the stage and chanted the usual nigger "yo-yo" song. They make millions doing this.