Pelosi Demos Her Own Facelift

Nancy Pelosi, the third in line for the White House if Obama dies of aids like it looks like he's going to and if Biden dies of acute alcohol poisoning like it looks like he's going to, shows how much of her facial skin has been nailed to the back of her neck over the last two-month period of fifteen facelifts, or in her case, face haulings. She was asked who she was trying to attract via the delusion that moving all this amount of facial blanket to the back of her head would make her look desireable. She answered that she was just trying to avoid stepping on her own jowels, which, if left to their own accord would drag on the floor beneath her feet and behind her for twenty yards like a nightmare wedding train. She was asked if she could still blink. She said no and that she has had hydraulic tear ducts made of titanium installed around her perpetual "astounded" eye expressions. She said she has also had her inner labia lips pulled back behind her head and that they have been stapled up her spine like a ridge of ossified bone. She claims she has the only calcified pussy lips on record. She was asked who keeps such bizarre records. She said Bill Clinton. She was asked if her piss splashed all over the floor around the toilet when she urinated due to the stretched labia. She says she has no fluids of any kind in her parchment body and that she sounds like a cottonwood grove on a breezy day when she walks. Asked how she could be so candid about such horrific physical details she said she wasn't being candid, that she was in fact understating things, that hearing the true severity of her heinous body facts would cause the listener to collapse and die of disgust and depression. She was asked if her pussylips being drawn backward and up her ass covered her bunghole preventing the shit from coming out, she said she didnt know and that she didnt care, that it was likely just piling-up inside her "body." She was asked if she found this nauseating at all. She said no in a coy, wide-eyed, Cryptkeeper-like stare, a Niagra Falls cascade of drool pouring down some of her chins from her uncloseable mouth.