Saving The Seagal Show

By incorporating the one other gigantic tub of useless self-centered guts on the planet - Penn Jillette - as the co-pilot on all Stevan Seagal crime calls, the two of them always being together, I think would drag the show, already boring, down five more fathoms to a level of boringness that would actually make it interesting! Sometimes Nature operates this way: a thing is one way and then you add a ton more of the one-wayness to it and it becomes something altogether different. Like when you cool something far enough it becomes a DIFFERENT kind of cool, it becomes supercool and it can conduct electricity ten million times better than it could when it was just frozen beyond belief. You freeze it Even More Beyond Belief and it just snaps into some new more interesting state. So too with Steven Seagal: Lawman. You take the stupid show and add a ton more stupidity to it and it WHAM - becomes interesting!! For all the wrong reasons, of course. The only person self-absorbed enough and personally fat enough to match Seagal calorie-for-calorie for sheer emptyness-of-noggin is Penn Jillette. These two blabbering blubbering eyesores would not be able to focus on anything else except getting in the last word with each other. Seagal would be lecturing Jillette on the wisdom of the Ancient Ones and Jillette would be calling him a superstitious asshole and Seagal would be hyperventilating and trying to kick Jillet - who weighs more than the Reichstag - out of the car....it would never end. It would be great.