Steven Seagal: Fatman

I watched the premiere two episodes of the Steven Seagal: Big Fat Slob show tonight. I will never be watching it again. It is a total sham. Seagal apparently has been Being All Goofy as a reserve police officer of some sort in some "parish" in Louisianna for 20 years. He's like, some infantile reetard. He keeps calling himself a "master" the whole show. He's a Zen master and he's a Aikee Dookee master and he's a Hitachi master and he's a bonzai master. He's his own narrator. The camera cuts and edits are bewilderingly fast so that you can't see this plodding sweating sea elephant for any length of time between recuperation periods from just moving about. He's covered in sweat just from existing. He doesn't actually DO anything. Sometimes he talks to residents. He's like Baby Huey. He should be in a diaper. He's just this goofy doofus. You can't look at him without laughing. Nothing ever fucking happens. He has NO sense of humor. He has NOTHING to say. He's duller even than real cops, and cops are a VERY uninteresting breed of people and compared to Seaelephant they are on nitro methane. It's just beyond awful. It isn't likely even Seaelephant will watch it even, it's so lame.