LaToya Jackson Offers To Take Michael's Place As Star

LaToya Jackson, Michael Jackson's weird sister, offered to take her brother's place as the pop icon of America. "I look just like him and have an actual pussy," she said. "Everyone wins: fags; normal people - I'll be better than he was. At least in the looks department. And I have a nose. I'm the one he was always trying to look like anyway, and I actually look like me, so it all makes sense I should just step into his shoes. Plus, if I molest little pubescent boys they are not going to be traumatized. They are going to be thinking their little woody ship just came in. Instead of trying to expunge it all from their memories they'll wished they had filmed it just to make the lifetime's worth of masturbating sessions I am going to create for them a little clearer. Of course to all you 12 year old boys listening, I WILL be happy to film our little 'me and your penis' sessions, no problem. Oh dear, what's that noise?" "It's 12 year old boys lining up outside," the reporter informed her.