Jackson's Final Tour

The Family and debt-holders of the Jackson "estate" have announced a final Michael Jackson tour of his body to nursery schools and daycare centers throughout America for the children to spit on. It will be the "farewell" tour in a very real sense. Children who wish to spit onto the body will have to pony-up ten thousand dollars apiece unless they can prove Michael Jackson actually played with their gonads or enticed or forced him or her, most likely him, to play with his (Michael's.) These kids will get to spit on Mike for free. Proof will entail photos taken by Cecil B. DeMille or Alfred Hitchcock and signed in the blood of a tyranosaurus on paper from the tomb of Nebucadnezzar with a pen of Ramses the 2nd containing ink from a squid living in the ruins of Atlantis captured by Aquaman using a speargun built by Mr. Spock.