Columbus

Columbus discovered America. What that means is, he was the first person to land on dry ground in the Western Hemisphere - that it made any difference!! You see, when the fucking Indian Chinks from Mongolia showed up here in ten billion BC and evolved into the Apaches of today...IT DIDN'T MAKE NO FUCKING MATTER!! NOBODY GAVE A SHIT!! IT CHANGED NOTHING!!! THEY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN DUCKS LANDING HERE FOR ALL THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE IT MADE TO ANYTHING. And of course the same with the Vikings, and the Peruvians, and the fucking penguins and the fucking Polynesians and the fucking Borneo Assfuckers of Nepal. None of these fucking arrivals amounted to a fucking hill of beans. But when Columbus showed up, that was different. Columbas was a member of the Civilization That Actually Mattered. And that would be European Civilization. And then Columbus landiing here made ready the way for the next Civilization That Actually Mattered, and that would be the United States Civilization. Thank you. Oh, and fuck you.