Texas

I went to Texas for the first time in my life couple weeks ago. Austin. Drove from Los Angeles. Here's what I learned. There are no crows in Texas. I detest crows. I could blog all day long about crows. I was monitored by crows from L.A. to the Texas border. Then they vanished. I learned the Border Patrol does its patrolling 100 miles inland from the border. On the highway. Where no illegals are. I learned everyone in Texas is polite. Even the bully teens and bully college guys. At least they were polite to me. But, hey, who isn't. I learned there are no mutants in Texas. A mutant is someone who when you get within fifty yards of them you wish you had a drum-feed hundred-round-capacity 12 guage, the vibe of danger is so strong. Didn't see ONE of those fuckers. And my mutant radar is legendary. Texas must kill every crow and mutant that enters. I learned that there is a variety of barbecue sauce that is clear. And pretty good too. I learned that Ft. Stockton is where all the ghosts of all the dead of mankind in history go to sit and do nothing. And infect the inhabitants with depression and a forlorn desire to do absolutely nothing also, not even emerge from wherever they are. I learned that between El Paso and Austin there is one dead animal on the road every 20 feet. Texas clearly has the highest road-kill-per-square-inch body count on earth. And I haven't even travelled the earth and I know this. Nothing could possibly exceed the roadkill quantity in Texas. I learned that the hinges on the doors of the Texas Capitol Building are about, inch for inch, as amazing as the Great Pyramid. Even though the Great Pyramid has a lot more inches. That's how interesting the hinges of those doors are. And I learned that the South was the good guys in the Civil War. And that the Confederate Flag is as good a flag and as legitimate an American Flag as the other one. And I guess that's it! That's what I learned!