The Scientology "Personality Test"

   The Scientology personality test, which is the first step in you losing your identity and your property and your soul and your peace of mind and your friends and your relatives and eventually your job because no one wants a scientologist around because they spend more time trying to recruit new scientologists and sputtering Hubbardisms than they do actually working....is not actually a test. Well it might be a test for some arena because I suspect it was lifted from some other source, but it's purpose is not to find out your personality because Scientologists not only don't give a shit about what kind of "personality" you have, they wouldn't know what to do with the information if they had it because they are not scientists. They are frightened imbeciles. Scientology has nothing to do with science or the scientific method. So even the name itself is calculated to mislead. And the "test" is calculated merely to get you into a room where Scientology lives and writhes. It is designed to get you onto the sales floor so to speak.
   No one who ever takes the test is advised they do not need Scientology. There has never been a person who passed the test in other words. Just a heads-up in case you are thinking about taking the test. You will fail. I should say you will be told you failed. Well, not failed, but you will be told you need to be improved. There will not be a lot of scholarly data thrown your way about it either. Just pronouncements. And, oh dear, God help you if you object or refute or question or suggest a counter-hypothesis. Oh, and one other thing, once you enter the premises where Scientologists-only are: you will be out numbered.  So when you get that enveloping sense that you need to immediately flee?........take it. Because you will only have one opportunity. And if you opt for politeness and civility instead, hoping that somewhere down the road your captors will relent and become more understanding of your need to leave?....you will have made a serious blunder in judgement and guesswork. Real serious. Once you enter Satan's realm voluntarily you rarely get a chance to leave. In Scientology, fair to say, you get one: and that happens as your test results are being explained to you and the feeling of dread and horror falls upon you. That will be your one opportunity to escape - by running for the door and smashing anyone who tries to stop you. Don't worry, they rarely engage in combat with a savage - which you had better become during your flight; just being afraid won't get you out the door. You will have to be afraid and pissed. It's that hatred that will win the day for you.
   Once you are back outside on the sidewalk and in the pure light of the shitty neighborhood that the Scientology recruiter has chosen for his lair - you will feel really good about life, where the bums and addicts wandering past you are leaving you alone and not trying to get you to change your personality. Where the guy throwing up on your shoes is not going to tell you you need to release your inner deity and take control of space, energy, time, and matter. He's just going to ask you for a quarter: Not your entire bank account and the lives and minds of your children.