One Of My Stock Answers

   When people ask me if I am an atheist or if I believe in god I always say "I believe in a particular god." when they say who I say "Jesus, the executed Jew." It's not just "Jesus," it's always "Jesus, the executed Jew."
   This response has rarely produced any follow-up remarks. It's like as though it cuts wires inside the head.
   For a while I would say "Jesus, the executed blaspheming Jew bastard." I decided after a while this was too over the top. Once you start out on the road to creativity with a simple question it can get out of hand. "Jesus the executed, fucked-in-the-ass-by-roman-guards, buck naked on the cross in front of his mom, Jew bastard blaspheming rescuer of goats who fall in the ditch on the Sabbath...." I mean it never ends, it would go on for weeks if I let it. So "Jesus, the executed Jew" is what I have settled on. And it seems to be enough. No one ever says "Why is that. Why him." It's, like, question time is over when you say "Jesus, the executed Jew" to the question "do you believe in god."

   Once...ONCE...someone said to me, in all innocence "...why do you think he was god?" I said "Because he said he was. And so I said, 'oh, ok, fair enough.' It cut down on a lotta research. I didn't have to go searching the world for the wise man to tell me who is the real god or if there is one; here's a guy saying 'hey, i'm god' and has the dates since before and after his birth named after him, BC and AD. That works for me, I'll say 'ok, you're god, I'm good with that.' Do YOU have a problem with me having an executed Jew for a god?"  They usually say no. If they say anything. Fucking assholes. Ya know sometimes I just want to put a bullet from close range into peoples' foreheads and watch their eyes die so I can relive the memory over coffee.