Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Battle: Los Angeles

I went and saw this today to see whether or not Rotten Tomato reviews ever come close to reality. I guess they do but you have to judge a Space Invasion Western as a space invasion western. Not as Art Made Manifest For Man By An All Wise Homosexual Effete.
Sometimes you just want to give people a chance to witness a what-if adventure. So, therefore - this is a great movie to see if you are an American Marine, a fan of American Marines, and a fan of space invasion movies. And if you can stand the "eternally-moving hand camera"approach to movie filming. Here's the movie in words: Marine sergeant is routing-out after a career of bravery cursed with accusations of incompetence. But wtf???...I'm practically on the bus back to Podunk and what's this Captain?.... You need me to fight for earth civilization?.....but.....FUCK GOING HOME, SIR, YES SIR!!!! One platoon - that is correct - one platoon of Marines, then, is all that is left in the Alien Beachhead of Los Angles Downtown to conquer a planet-wide invasion of biomechanical beings from another solar system who shoot bullets and rockets and within one day have basically decimated humanity. They accomplish this feat with the help of an illegal Mexican and his anchor baby. On the bright side, the illegal Mexican dies. His kid is nonetheless a citizen. None of this is mentioned I am just telling you what is implied and not stated. There is no loveydovey stuff; adolescent prepubescent boys rejoice. Every cliche'd distopian (distopian means "the world is a big fucking depressing nightmare mess and there is not a goddamn thing we can do about it") pain-in-the-ass time waster is in this movie but the good news is there are so MANY of the things they have to zip through them all at lightning speed. i went at a time when i knew there would only be about 20 people in the theater and all of them boys. they clapped when it was over. Which was kind of encouraging. I just aint sure what they were clapping about. I THINK it was from a kind of "yayyyy, we won!" kind of thing. I think. A kind of "Yayyyy for the USA!" I think. Maybe it was because they just liked the movie. My attention drifted a LOT during the movie because it was so lazily written. For instance, I was completely absorbed in The King's Speech, if you can imagine that. I hope some of this has been helpful to you and thank you for taking my call.


At April 7, 2011 at 6:44 PM , Blogger Backwater said...

I think you have dialed the wrong number. This is dick the phone....
Please re-dial.

At April 9, 2011 at 3:06 PM , Blogger jj solari said...

thank you for taking my call

At April 10, 2011 at 4:39 PM , Blogger Jim-Jim said...

Are you any relation to Billy Solari of East Bridgewater, Mass.?

At April 11, 2011 at 10:13 AM , Blogger jj solari said...

i come from boston so maybe.


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