The Afghan Elections

The AP transmits daily columns to "the press" about the Afghan "elections." These are always very murky, astoundingly weird, badly written, and impossible to decipher. But here's what I think is going on there. Two guys were running for president, like we do here, because we are so advanced. One of the guys is a Muslim terrorist. The other guy is not. They had an election a few months ago and the Muslim terrorist took all the other guys votes and threw them into a hole filled with human shit and then filled in the hole. The nigger in chief said "That ain't right." So the Muslim guy said "Ok, we'll have another election, but if the other guy runs we'll kill thousands of people via suicide bombs. The nigger in chief said "Oh, alright. Whatever's fair." So they had another election and the second guy didn't run so the terrorist won, and the nigger in chief said "Very good. Now we can give you money because you have a democratic government just like us." Don't you wish I worked for the AP? You would actually understand world events.