Soccer

I encountered my first professional-grade soccer ball the other day. It came over the tall fence I was walking by. By the police station there is a playing field, fully maintained for, apparently, league games. One was going on and a soccer ball came bouncing across my path. I got it and hurled it over the fence, but before I did I examined it and learned everyuthing I could about it. I do not like soccer or anything about it. It is a game for third world countries, which America is becoming, I admit, and it is a game for people who live in squalid conditions and have no indistry and have no anything except rats and disease and poverty and death. Kind of like what we will have here when America is full of Mexicans and indians from the jungles of Peru. A soccer ball, if you are not familiar with one, is about as light as one hydrogen atom. If you took a soccer ball to bonneville and put your back to a 40 mile an hour wind blowing across the flats and kicked a soccer ball with enough loft to get it 20 feet up and 20 feet out, it would probably never again touch the earth. It would just sail away in a straight line. my first, and hopefully last, encounter with a soccer ball revealed to me why they can be curved in flight to such a degree by foot contact. They are so light that any kind of intense contact, not dead center, will hurl the gravity-free sphere in a curve that could probably be made circular by an experienced professional. A soccer ball is about the shittiest piece of sports equipment ever conceived and manufactured. Until last week I was always astounded by seeing soccer players hitting the ball with their concrete heads. It seemed like any brains they had in there would be pounded to mush in the course of even one game. That was before I got my hands on one of these things. It is like hitting your head against a balloon. There is an absolute limit to how fast a soccer ball will travel through the atmosphere at ground level, due to it's almost complete lack of mass, and I would estimate that speed at perhaps one mile an hour. So an object weighing nothing strinking the human third world head at one mile an hour is not going to do any damage to anything. And this piece of shit ball is the solitary piece of equipment used for the whole game, on the whole playing field, by all ten or whatever men in gay shorts for the entertainment of all the earth's third world imbeciles. You get five or six poverty stricken aborigines over here and you get another five or six
dirt-dwellers over there, and you toss this piece of shit ball into their midst and they kick it with their feet and hit it with their stupid fucking heads, the end. It's a game for Apaches and Zulus and Muslims. Not for real people.