Saturday, February 28, 2009

Costco

I like Costco. I like just being in there. Just make sure if YOU go in there that you leave your wallet at home. Unfortunately you have to flash a credit card at the entrance in order to get in. They've thought of everything. Because Costco knows if you are in the building and you have some means of making purchases on your person - you WILL walk out with $500 worth of stuff. A lot of it stuff you can actually eat. But if you have no means of making a purchase on your person, there's not much you can do in the way of moving toward personal bankruptcy, and then your Costco experience will be even more enjoyable. It's just pleasant being in there. Everything everywhere is cool. you can explore the store when you have no money on you. It's like being in a new land. Without the distraction of actually selecting things you can get an idea pretty much of what's going on everywhere on earth. What's new in electronics, packaging, food, meat, meals. And speaking of meals, me and Cecily BOTH had lunch outside the place for under 5 dollars. I even had a Diet Coke besides. But if you're inside and wisely bring no money with you - somehow - you can eat for free all over the place. Every time I go I see some tall skinny man about 60 in slacks and a white shirt and a fake cell phone who eats his entire noon meal in there for free. He goes the entire product-handout circuit, over and over and over. Nobody has caught on to the guy yet, and the employees are there every day eight hours a day at least. I'm there 40 minutes every two weeks and I see the fucker every time. Me and him are apparently the ones ones in there who knows what he's up to. He know I know too. Because he has seen me watching him out of those eyes that thieves have in the backs of their heads. I piss the hell out of him. He hates seeing me. Because he knows I like to watch him steal stuff and make believe he's just a businessman in there for a quick emergency purchase. But he's really just there to eat for free. I'm sure he's a retired accountant. I love tormenting the guy. When he pulls out his fake phone that's not connected to any service i go near him to heear the "conversation." There never is one. He just has the phone to his face. When he sees me "listening" to him not saying anything he gets pissed and walks off to a new location. I watch him for as long as I can see him and every time he turns back to see if I'm still looking at him, I am. Llove it. Cecily says I'm as fucked up as he is. She's wrong. I'm not stealing. He's more fucked up than me. It's easy to take advantage of the give-aways. The women "preparing" the stuff are so vacuous and demented and dullwitted they never even remember who is who. You can just stand there rock solid in-place picking up Dixie Cup after Dixie Cup of chow and they never notice. Most of them give a limpid sales speil the whole time, whether anyone is in earshot or not. And they do it almost at a whisper. They're totally zobified. It's great. You can eat till you puke and for free. With each serving made to order. It's great. Costco's fantastic.

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