Saturday, February 14, 2009

Baseball And Steroids

Time magazine is sad that baseball players use steroids. For some reason Time magazine considers baseball American. Everything else that's "American" Time magazine considers decadent and evil and unmindful of the poor. But baseball - the most boring, idiotic, stupid, dull, uninteresting, unathletic, un - did I say uninteresting? - game in history: oh dear; we must not do anything to baseball to make it watchable. Let's look at Babe Ruth, shall we? He had a fucking beer gut for crise sakes. He was hung over if not drunk for most of his games. He could barely get his alcohol-atrophied legs to move around the bases. He ran like an infant, he was so smashed. And yet - he was the BEST BASEBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME!!! What the fuck does that tell you. Does that tell you anything? Can you come to any sort of conclusion from that? Probably not. Let me help you. You should come to the conclusion from the preceeding that if a drunken fat slob was the best at the sport....maybe it's not much of a sport???? Maybe????? I know, I know, this is all hitting your head pretty hard. Time magazine also does not think that baseball should turn into the WWE. If you don't know what the WWE is you are either a muslim or a terrorist of some other kind and shouldn't be here. Why would Time magazine not want the dullest sport in history to become exciting like the WWE? Because Time magazine is published and staffed by very depressed people. Time magazine is like a sad psychopath who gets upset at laughter. Laughter makes them feel worse. Fun pisses them off. Happiness makes them angry. These people are called by psychiatrists - most psychiatrists: and all normal people - as insane. EVeryone at Time magazine is insane. Have you read one of their issues? You need a ton of Prozac when you're done. The only time they are HAPPY at Time magazine is when a queer wins a prize on Broadway. They then get all ditsy and fun!! WOO HOO!! Rocco Swah-vey was SCADS of fun as Mister Wangwaggler (I LOVE that NAME!!) in the Tony and Randy Award winning play "My Penis Is Itchy, George!!!" This sort of thing excites them no end. Baseball players attempting to make the most boring sport on earth a little less boring? this upsets them at Time. Time is like a soap opera for readers. You have to have a lot of things wrong with you to sit through a soap opera or to read Time magaziine. you will Notice that Time magazine is all over the tables in the doctor's office. Doesn't matter which doctor's office either. Time magazine is there. THAT will cheer you up. time gives it's magazines free to doctors so that the patients will read the contents while at a low ebb emotionally. It's a form of torture. If you're depressed - which you are in a doctor's office - you will be more receptive to hearing depressing statements. Like the ones inside Time magazine. that's why Time sends them feee to doctors' offices: to fuck people up even more. Nice folks at Time. the Muslims will never bomb the offices of Time. They consider them fellow terrorists.

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