A Helping Hand For Steve Martin

Steve Martin hasn't done anything funny in 20 years. Out of pure sympathy I am now giving him some monologue material.
"Yesterday I received the shock of my life. I'm in a fast food place eating a hamburger. I see a sign on a door that said 'Ladies.' I got up, went over, and opened the door: and I saw TOILETS! I couldn't believe my eyes!. I immediately went and got the manager. I told him "COME WITH ME!" We went to the door and I opened it. I said "This room says 'Ladies' and inside all I see is TOILETS! Is this some kind of sick joke? You really think that women are nothing but shit receptacles?? YOU MUST BE KIDDING!! YOU SHOULD BE HELD IN COMPLETE CONTEMPT!!' He OBVIOUSLY had NOTHING to say. WHAT A TOTAL JERK!!!" I hope this helps, Steve. Call me if you need me for more.