Aretha Franklin

Some fucking music poll award judgement survey ouija think tank somethingorother declared Aretha Franklin "the greatest singer in history." I just saw her singing on Dancing With The Stars tonight and she looked like a twenty foot high pile of horseshit, she was off key more than she was on, she sang two of her "greatest" hits and they were just as fucking lame and worthless 300 years later as they were when she first sang them on the plantation that Sherman was burning and I said to myself, watching this hippo, this suet bucket, this mastadon of flowing and billowing blubber in a vocal fartstorm ripping the threads out of the canvas and walrus circus tent she was wearing, this obese, miserable pile of cesspool sludge stacked high and wide and deep with fresh hot lard that was somehow resisting the force of gravity that wanted to pull her either to the center of the earth or else into a flat pool of sweaty dung 300 feet in circumference on the stage, and I said to myself, looking at this
barreltitted behemouth belting out horsebales of really bad music, I said to myself, "I bet not one person will say to her when she's done 'You gotta be the luckiest broad alive having made a living singing miserable crap like that.'" No, they'll all say "That was fantastic, Miss Franklin, and you LOOK GREAT!"