Trump And Jury Duty Letter

Dear Donald Trump,

     I hear you got a jury duty summons. Obviously a Holder-Obama ploy, dreamed up by Perry, to keep you sequestered for two years so that Biden can be President.

     This won't happen if you never get chosen to actually sit on a jury.

    

     Now a lot of people have a lot of theories how to keep this from happening when you are interviewed by the judge and the two attorneys, one from each side. These theories usually involve acting like a mental patient.

     However acting intelligent is a lot lot lot more effective.

     The way you do this is to request clarification regarding each question. Since the questions are always either stupid or calculatedly ambiguous, you present to them the range of meanings and interpretations and ask politely which one they meant. For instance: "Do you have any friends or relatives in law enforcement?" "By law enforcement do you mean only police officers or do you also mean agencies, such as the IRS or FDA and such and other law-enforcing personnel, such as, for instance, the military."  Always ask this in all innocence. This demonstrates that words actually have precise meanings to you. They don't like this in a jury member.

     Also, whenever the judge or the prosecutor or the defendant's attorney speak to you, and sometimes they overlap, look at each speaker immediately, even if he is interrupting the one you are already looking at. This demonstrates avid alertness; another quality they do not like.

     Be serious. Do not be amusing. Being amusing shows you are trying to be cordial and trying to please them all: which is certainly courteous. But it also means you can perhaps be manipulated via emotion. A quality they are looking for. You do not want to give them any qualities they are looking for. 

     Do these things and you will never be selected. In two weeks, or one day, whatever their particular system is, you will be released.

     Remember, the jury and the guy on trial have more in common with each other than anyone else in the room: you have all been put there against your will: you are all paying the salaries of judge, the prosecutor and the public defender. And you are all being treated like shit. Do everything you can to be intelligent and alert and your chances of being selected are lower than the temperature of liquid hydrogen. Which is Absolute Zero.

Sincerely, 

J.J. Solari