letter to trump

Dear Donald Trump,

     Regarding the White House, when you move into it: you're not really going to move into that architectural rats-nest, are you?

     I mean, really, that's the ugliest pile of lumber and nails in America. If you had built that yourself and put your name on it and opened it up for overnight stays and bed and breakfast?.....you'd be out of a job in a week.

     Have you by any chance seen the Trump in Las Vegas? Have you seen that place? That's one of your places! One of your places. And you're going to move into the White House? I wouldn't move Bin Laden's camel herd into that place. In fact, you might have to move Bin Laden's camel herd out of the place if you take it over. God only knows what's in there at the moment. It could be fuckin' Bedouin World Headquarters for all we know.

     If you do move in, maybe you can strike a deal with the dullards in the Federal Government to actually buy the property and put a decent building there instead. Maybe a high rise: with red, white, and blue steel and glass. 50 stories; one for each State. DC won't be represented since it's not a State. God only knows what it actually is. Oh, yeah, it's a district. A district. It's a district alright. District 9. It's full of monsters. It should be off-limits to the rest of the Country. Wall it off and open it to illegals. Let them have the District of Columbia. Let's see what they can accomplish there. 

     In fact, is there even one sensible building in DC? It looks like Ancient Fucking Rome. It even has an obelisk. George Washington would shit his breeches if he knew he was being remembered via an Egyptian obelisk. It's just downright creepy. It's almost pagan. What's next for DC, a statue of Moloch?

     How are you going to make the transition from Trump Tower to that frumpy White House and still keep your sanity? And another thing, Barack and Michelle and the two girls might leave but what if the rest of Obama's indigent relatives I hear have homesteaded the place refuse to go? What if they raise all kinds of Squatters Hell? Then what? What if they riot? What if they burn the place down? 

     You know what? this all just might work out after all.

    

Sincerely, 

J.J. Solari