Saturday, June 20, 2015

Letter to Limbaugh

   I hand wrote a letter to Rush Limbaugh on huge stationery that has a huge Mouseketeer picture of myself on it 'cause I decided to play the Disney card. It said the following:

Dear Rush;
   You know how you are always going-on about the Constitution?
   You ever read that thing? You ever read just the Bill of Rights, even? You have?? And you want to fight and die for them??
   Five of them - which would be half , since I believe you yourself are from Riolinda - half of them do not even come into play until you are arrested or are about to be! Wow: a bill of "rights" half of which you cant even use until you are arrested and one of those isn't even that generous, it merely gives others the right to take your belongings and also barge into your house and upend it. That's some largess of great gifts. What the hell kind of rights are those? Rights for dimwits and idiots? Did anyone vote on this? Were any of them even marginally sober at the time? Could any of them read?
   Two of the remaining 5 don't even concern people! They concern the Federal government and the State governments' obtuse and murky and pompously-meaningless relationships to each other.
   One of the remaining three concerns....huh?.....soldiers in your fucking house? We have the amazing right not to house soldiers? But then you read the next sentence. Which is, basically "...unless we order you to in time of war." It also doesnt specify whether you have to house friendlies or the enemy. That part is left for a later "interpretation" by the Supreme Court, and depending on whether or not they are Muslims. 'Cause if they are Muslims you can pretty much rest assured that you will be housing Jihadists if ordered.
   One of the two remaining fantastic rights is the right to complain!!! That's right, you can complain in a group, you can complain in a letter, you can complain in a note, and what will you be complaining about? will be complaining about how you are being fucked hard in the ass by the people employed courtesy of the Constitutionally created bureaucracy of politicians and law enforcement and civil servants. Attached to this right to complain is the hitch-hiking right to believe things that may or may not be true. You get to do this! It's your right.
   And finally, and last but not least, you have your final remaining right in the Bill of Rights, you have the right to own a firearm unless you are forbidden to own a firearm.
   Let's hear it for this noble and ground-breaking list that is so very very amazingly awesome. Who were these geniuses who thought of this? Wow. That is great, good job, you guys, you really burned the midnight oil and it shows.


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