Friday, October 10, 2014

My New Schizoid Kicked Out Of Catholic Church

   I have a schizoid who adopted me three months ago. It's a long story that has yet to be told. Someday I will tell it when I feel she is out of danger. I know what you're saying: "She's not actually in danger; the people she fears are not actually trying to hurt her." Oh, sure! They got to you too! I know exactly what's going on, bud! You're one of them!!!
   But over and above all that, true as it is,  she finally got kicked out of the Catholic Church that she has been living in. That's not the story. The story is her purse. Let's call her Ling Su. I have been intimately aquainte dwith Ling su's purse for three months. I know all it's contents and I have carried it many times in order to give her a moment's rest from it's myriad heavy contents. So Bad Cop is talking to Ling Su and Good Cop is talking to me. That's another long story. So while Good Cop is talking to me and while I am conversationally leading him around by the nose I am monitoring Bad Cop's interrogation. And he says, all fucking stern and mighty and authoritarian and wise and full of guardianship and wisdom and might, "THERE ANY REASON WHY I SHOULD NOT LOOK INSIDE YOUR PURSE BECAUSE I MIGHT FIND DRUGS OR PARAPHERNALIA OR GUNS OR KNIVES OR IMPLEMENTS OF SOCIAL CHAOS AND NATIONAL SECURITY ATTACKS UPON OUR HOMELAND????" And I'm lookin' over at this fucker and i"m thinkin' "that looney woman has more class up her bunhole with a nigger dick in it than you have in your entire career in law enforcement and you think that you are entitled to take her purse? A purse I am more familiar with and a fan of than I could ever be of you, you fucking ape on a pension before you retire." Meanwhile Good cop thinks he's the one who has my attention. I'm listening to him with one ear and one billionth of my attention and none of my intelligence. Bad Cop, that's another story: i am memorizing his every atom. Meanwhile Good Cop asks me after i tell him i know this woman he goes "So tell me, is there any possibility that the reason we were called out here could even remotely be justified based on anything she might have been doing in there?" I said "That is entirely within the realm of possibility." I said it like it was killin' me to say it. Which it basically was. He then gave Bad Cop some sort of magical police signal and Bad Cop brought his interrogation to a close with the warning that he was - this is true - that he was more powerful than God and that he is the one she needed to obey and he was ordering her off the property for eternity. If I could strike people dead Bad Cop would now be in the morgue with a question mark as to cause of death on the tag around his toe. Meanwhile I inform good cop that i will make sure she heeds the warning. Which I did after they left. Whether it took or not I can't say for sure. Stay tuned.


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