Constitution Day

   I have been informed that tomorrow is Constitution Day. On this day you are supposed to read the Constitution and come away from the experience feeling free and wonderful and proud and filled with exuberance for the future. Which is impossible if you have any actual reading comprehension. Which nobody has. Either that or at birth all doctors implanted "word-meaning jumble circuits" into every American baby's brain, just like they cut the umbilical cord.
   To help you read it here is a Constitution Reading site that provides it for you.

http://www.heritage.org/constitution/#!/

   Now, of course, nobody who is told "Hey, read the Constitution, learn about your heritage and why you enjoys ALL the marvelous freedoms we enjoy" ever actually goes and reads the Constitution. There is some instinctive mechanism in the human body that inherently knows that reading the Constitution would be just about the most boring and spiritually exhausting thing you could ever do.
   Nonetheless, you are supposed to listen to that - "Hey, go read the Constitution!" -  and come to the conclusion, even if and when you don't read it,  that the Constitution is what made America "America" for the brief period of time that it had any actual American attributes, or anything else that an American would call American: such as telling Muslims to all drink arsenic. Which no American would ever do anymore because the Constitution forbids it now. It's a living document. It's alive. Like the creature in Young Frankenstein.
   When you start actually reading the thing to celebrate Constitution Day you fall into a deep deep slumber. Naturally you will blame yourself and not the Constitution for this. Now will you blame the genius Dandies-in Tights that dreamed up the thing in all it's pomposity and OCD-on-meth faggotty, organizational, detail-fraught, edict-riddled "this is how things will be" declarations that - you probably did not notice - have nothing to do with YOU. It's all about them. Them being the government bureaucrat very-special appointees and electees who now own you.
   It's the fucking Coonstitution that makes all this tyranny possible.
   "Oh, well, duhhhhh, that ain't what tyranny is, tyranny is when you are told what to do by people you don't know or ever interacted with or ever met."
   Oh. Ok. My bad. I got the Constitution and what you just said all mixed up. I am so sorry. Let's just forget I was even here, and off you go, ok?.... no hard feelings?