Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Haiti Earthquake And The Weather Channel


Because the Weather Channel is now owned by NBC, naturally there is nothing but confusion and chaos in the offices of upper management concerning what weather actually is. TODAY, Jan 12th, weather is.....the earthquake in Haiti. Today, on the Weather Channel, weather is geology. USUALLY on the Weather Channel, ever since NBC bought it, weather has been SPORTS! But today weather is earthquakes. Or one earthquake in particular, the one in Haiti. Now, there is no actual COVERAGE of the earthquake in Haiti because Haiti has no facilities that bear any remote resemblance to anything technological being used in the 21st Century. They barely have fire there, and what fires they do have are for small ceremonial performances of voodoo in order to place a curse or a hex on some poor dumb bastard who doesnt have a pot to piss in, and wouldn't know what a pot was anyway even if he saw one and who is already cursed far beyond human endurance just by virtue of BEING IN FUCKING HAITI. So because there IS NO ACTUAL COVERAGE of the earthquake in Haiti because there is no technology in Haiti, the Weather Channel on-air "personalities" are discussing earthquakes in general. While meterology and geology have no connection except in rare instances when a powerful volcano has caused minor alterations in the color of the sunsets around the world - which still is not weather - today on the Weather Channel meteorology and weather are identical. They are the same thing. Tomorrow meterology and animal husbandry might be the same thing so stay tuned to the Weather Channel to find out when to poke your horse in the ass to get it try try and fuck the cow. On Friday weather and knitting will be the same. That's going to be pretty interesting, probably.

3 Comments:

At January 12, 2010 at 7:34 PM , Blogger Bob Frapples said...

I didn't know they were owned by NBC. That would explain why there are such fine babes on the show now...whew...!
AND why it takes 20 minutes to get to a radar view...

 
At January 12, 2010 at 10:28 PM , Blogger jj solari said...

jay leno is going to be the noon to 3 guy on weekdays.

 
At January 13, 2010 at 3:36 PM , Blogger Gringo said...

well damn i thought that was gonna be conan obrians new gig!

 

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