Dennis On The Tragedy In Haiti

"Sally Struthers and Kirstie Ally are going to be in charge of food distribution."

"The Haitians are killing and eating the rescue dogs."

"They are saying that there is stacks of dead people along the roads. They have named the stacks McDonald's,Carl's Jr,Taco Bell and the Kabob King."

"They say the buildings fell real fast. When you use #2 pencils as rebar the buildings will fall."
"My timeshare in Haiti is now worthless but at least there's some people in it now for once. Somewhere."

"I'm sending a case each of Lawn Darts and Hula Hoops for the kids in Haiti."
"Mattel sent 300 cases of 'Operation," the doctor game, to Haiti."

"Korea is sending some Korean women to Haiti to give free pedicures."

"I just got back from LAX and saw Dr. Kevorkian boarding a flight to Haiti. I bet there will be no line at his tent and plenty of free donkey parking."

"Ashton Kutcher is in Haiti punking the sick with fake food."

"How do you tell a live Haitian from a dead one: the live ones jump off the grill."

"Jenny Craig is offering free membership to all Haitian survivors."

"The Hair Club for Men is now in Haiti giving hope to Haitians with really shitty toupees."