Obama Declares Michael Jackson's Penis A National Holiday

President Hussein today declared Michael Jackson's penis a national holiday. Being informed by the vice president, whose name nobody remembers, that making a penis a national holiday made no sense, even to him, Obama said " It makes sense to me. And if anyone's penis deserves it, Jocko's does. I have dreamed of being one of his love objects all my life, but I was always too old. And I don't have a...you know....a thingy."