Jehovah's Witnesses

I will now explain the Jovies to you. Since you probably don't have a real clear handle on the motherfuckers. The Jovies are a non-Christian offshoot of Jews. To Jovies Jesus is not God. They have a real problem with Jesus being God. Just like the Jews and the Muslims. NOBODY ON EARTH has a problem with VISHNU being God. Or RA being God. Or BAAL being God. Or Yahweh being God. Or Allah being God. Or Jehovah being God. Or Obama being God. Or Zeus being God. Or L. Ron Hubbard being God. Or "all of us in our collective beauty" being God. Or "each of us in his true divine nature" being God. Or Dagon being God. Or Nature being God. Or the Earth being God. Or the Cosmos being God. Or the Force being God. Or Lucifer being God. Or Brad Pitt being God.Or Jamie Pressly's pussy being God. But EVERYONE has a fucking problem with JESUS being God. I notice things like this. Things like this make someone like me - an Italian - go "Hmmmm: what's this big fucking problem everyone has with this Jesus fucker being God, they don't have a fucking problem with everything else under - and including - the sun, being God." So the Jovies have a problem with Jesus being God. To the Jovies Jesus is, ya know, this "really good pal" of God that is God's "son." - whatever the fuck that means, and I'm a born-again Christian and I STILL don't have a fucking mother fucking clue what that means, and, it turns out, nobody else does either. Where the fuck was I. So to the Jovies Jesus was, like, some sort of space alien who basically did nothing except say things that the Jovies then try and get YOU to obey. The Jovies want you to obey Jesus - who the Jovies admit has no authority - even though Jesus has probably never actually talked to you personally. The Jovies will be happy to tell you what Jesus said to somebody else and then insist that he was also talking to you and that you have to do it otherwise Jesus will - or his designated punisher will - punish you. Jesus was talking to other people, telling THEM to do this and that, or at least requesting that they do stuff. I dont ever recall reading about Jesus ORDERING anyone to do anything, come to think of it. But the Jovies do a lot of ordering-around and claim it's Jesus doing it, not them. Which, as I recall, is what Satan is always saying too. Now that I rrecall. Now I'm pissed. That Jovie's coming back in a week. I'll fucking knock the fucker out, right in front of the starving mulatto boy he brought with him. That's another thing about these fuckers: they hide behind children, like Muslims, so that you don't lose-it while they are torturing you. And the poor dumb bastard kids not only have to go door to door with men and women with bad breath, they don't even get Christmas. NOW I AM INFURIATED!!! FUCK ALL OF JEHOVA'S WITNESSES IN THE ASS WITH NIGGER DICKS!!! Except for the kids, of course. They've suffered enough. Ok, where was I. So, the Jovies try and get you to believe that IF YOU BECOME A JOVIE YOU WILL BE SAVED! Jehova will resurrect you onto the earth again at some future date to be announced. And you also have to tithe. Otherwise you just rot in the grave. You also have to do a lot of chores. Like go door to door and harangue people and fuck with their idiot heads. Except when they come to my door. I love it when they show up. I tell them I don't have to do shit, Jesus did it all. And then they say "But Jesus is not God." And I say, "Shit, If Jehovah can be God why can't Jesus be God?" This is just for STARTERS. I drive Jovies fucking insane. It's fun. And easy!!! They also don't allow YOU to get a transfusion. Or have Christmas. Or any other holiday. They're fucking monsters telling you what God wants. Like they know. Like God WANTS SHIT FROM US!! Fuck. Where is that hyena-breathed fucking bastard and his mulatto sidekick, now I'm in a total fucking fury. He said he'll be back next week. He shouldn'ta left me his booklet and told me to read it which i said I would because i did actually read the fucking thing and now I'm ready to kill the son of a bitch. I oughta go lookin' for him, I know he's still in the vicinity, because I told him the kid looked starved and to get him a burger. This pissed the guy off. The kid got all hopeful. HAHAHAHA forget it kid, you're life is already fucking over, you ended up in hell without even dyin' first. Bummer, dude. So I know the guy ain't gonna be givin' the kid lunch AT ALL just because of what I said, that he should get him a burger. HAHAHAHA. So, anyway, basically, the Jovies' whole deal is to go from door to door to try and make you as miserable as they are. Because that's what God wants. You buyin' that? Then the Jovie life might be for you. They gut a whole fucking laundry list of chores for you to do "to make God happy." They know what makes God happy. Like, God gets happy. He has good days and bad days. We can make God happy if we do what the Jovies say.
Jesus fucking Christ. My head's spinnin'. They're worse than Muslims. Ok, ok, that ain't true. Jovies don't hijack planes and blow up school busses full of other peoples' children and hurl poison gas all over the place and destroy architecture and sculpture with explosions and fire. Oh by the way, if A FUCKING MUSLIM ever comes to your door to try and convert you? You better kill him. 'Cause if he don't convert you, unlike the Jovie, he ain't just gonna leave. He's gonna fucking kill YOU. So, no, the Jovies are nowhere near as bad as the Muslims. The fucking bubonic plague is not as bad as the Muslims.