Aperah Winfrey Furious At Michelle Obama

"MY NAME IS NOT APERAH!!" Aperah Winfrey screamed at Associated Press reporters today, many of whom pissed in their pants at the sudden outburst, Associated Press writers being extremely delicate and fragile, like shaking chihuahuas. "MY NAME IS OPRAH!!" she continued. "I AM QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!!" Michelle Obama, in the press room at the time shouted back "Not no moe you ain't, bitch. I be takin' yo' place right soon, ite, juffs you wait!" Michelle then chittered like a gleeful rhesus monkey for ten mimutes, infuriating Aperah even more. "I PUT THAT NIGGER HUSBAND OF YOURS IN OFFICE, YOU BITCH!!" Aperah shouted back. "There is not a faggot in America who doesn't come onto my show for insurance of success. Every faggot in Hollywood and Congress owes me their lives!! I made that Muslim creep President and I can unmake him back into a shufflin' street nigger just as fast!" Michelle laughed pleasantly and said into a microphone handed to her "Fuck you, Aperah." "MY NAME IS NOT APERAH" Aperah screamed, somewhat like Cartman of South Park, her eyes squeezed shut in rage and frustration. "YOU MUST OBEY MY AUTHORITAAAAY!!!" Then she looked around wide-eyed and surprised and smiled, saying in a soft voice filled with impishness, "Did I just really say that?" Once again Aperah had won back the crowd, to Michelle's annoyance, and proved herself still the queen of the universe.