Fair Warning

If I hear one more time that Tom Cruise is hosting a new show called The Cock Whisperer I will use use psychic force grade level Twenty Three of the Elron Superpowers Rekindled Energy Abillity of the Past Lives Archival Soul-Pummeler on that person and then they will be sorry. Do not even THINK homosexual references regarding Tom Cruise. I WILL FIND YOU AND STRIKE YOU DOWN. TOM CRUISE'S HETEROSEXUALITY MUST BE AFFIRMED IMMEDIATELY. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT PEOPLE DO NOT ENTERTAIN EVEN A CURIOSITY ABOUT TOM CRUISE'S BELOW-THE-WAIST-LEVEL..........STUFF.....THAT HE MAY OR MAY NOT.....DO. OR NOT. I WILL DESTROY THE UNIVERSE IF YOU MAKE ME!!! Ok, thanks. Ok, now, on a more serious note, really, I think it is time that we start to accept Tom Cruise's sexuality as being totally within the range of what falls inside the category of "perfectly, unsuspiciously, normal." I think it's time that we all started doing that right now. Really. Ok, I am getting angry again because someone is quietly and sniggeringly muffling caustic laughter because they think they have thought of yet another demeaning innuendo designed to imply that Tom Cruise's libido is not precicely what this person over here thinks it should be, or what that person over there thinks it should be. YOU WILL ALL COME-AROUND TO ONE WAY OF THINKING ABOUT THIS: YOU WILL ALL COME-AROUND TO GETTING IT THROUGH YOUR THICK CALCIFIED HEADS THAT TOM CRUISE IS NOT GAY! THIS ISN'T ROMPER ROOM FOLKS! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS! IF YOU THINK I AM JUST GOING TO IGNORE ALL OF THIS OR JUST LET IT GO YOU ARE MISTAKEN! I HAVE LAWYERS GODDAMNIT! I WILL CRUSH YOU IN THE COURT SYSTEM! ASSUMING I WIN THE CASE! WHICH I WILL! I HAVE SUPERPOWERS! I WILL USE THEM IN COURT! I would use them, just, ya know, right here, right now, to kill or maim you, which would involve a lot less expense, but then no one would know about my powers but you. Using the court system my powers become known to all via the press. So use your head. Repeat after me: Tom Cruise is in all respects normal. Including that respect that, you know, we were talking about earlier. Ok, thank you. Really; I think we finally have an understanding about this, you and me. You think the Muslims are vindictive sociopaths? You ain't seen nuthin' pal. We can behead you without swords, fucker. Don't make us prove it. I mean don't make ME prove it. Ok, thank you. Aren't things a lot calmer and more peaceful when you just have positive, interactive, two-way dialogue? And the answer to that is yes, because I can see that you're just sitting there and not saying anything. Which is good. Because I know what it is you would be saying if you did start saying something. AND HE'S NOT!!!!!