Death By Snuggie

If you buy a Snuggie you might want to increase your life insurance because you are probably going to radically increase your chance of dying sooner. Now, regarding death, you probably sometimes wonder how you are going to die. Will I die of disease?...or in a plane crash?....or in a war?...or in a car crash?....or in a lightning storm?....or by a snakebite?....Well, you will PROBABLY die in your living room! After hitting your head on the CORNER of something useless that you went OUT OF YOUR WAY TO PURCHASE AND PUT IN THERE in your living room, most likely a piece of needless - and dangerously designed - furniture. A Snugglie will greatly increase the likelihood of this happening - this "falling" that I am talking about - because you will be stepping on it - the bottom of the Snuggie - with every step you take, probably a few of those steps with some sort of boiling food. You will stumble, try not to scald yourself with the food, become even more violent in your movements because now you are trying to avoid a fall AND a scalding, and hit your head even HARDER on the corner of the table than you would in a normal fatal fall in your living room, which will probably happen. You also might burn to death in the living room because when the Snuggie CATCHES FIRE AT THE STOVE BECAUSE ITS SLEEVES ARE THE SIZE OF DAM-SPILLWAYS you will probably run into the living room, for some reason, and then fall and hit your head and then die of course and then burn up. Or you could just REFRAIN from getting a Snuggie and maybe extend your life inside the house before dying in the living room by, maybe years. Eventually of course the Snuggie will be banned. Why wait. Just don't get one now. Beat the rush to not get one later.