Opera

Opera is a play with singing. A very special kind of singing. Annoying singing. Singing in which the human voice is turned into a musical instrument. The instrument is a siren. Opera was invented when there was no tv, no movies, no anything. But people still needed to be entertained. We like entertainment. It makes us forget - if it's good entertainment - how fucking miserable life on this planet is for a human being unless you are Hugh Hefner. People also like going out for entertainment. Because that's where the "other people" are. And we like to look at the other people. To see if there's anyone there we would like to fuck. I go to the MALL for this reason. People liked plays back then because if it was a good play you got to escape. Basically the same reason we go to the movies. Also it made for a good date. If the chick left the play happy she might fuck you!! Just like when you take one of 'em to the movies. The WISE man takes them to chick flicks. You suffer through the movie but that blowjob later might be kinda enjoyable. Also, seeing a live performance, like a play, it's like being some sort of potentate: here are all these people trying their damndest TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!! Being the kind of petty little tyrants we all are, we like this. It's almost like having slaves. Sure, you don't get to beat them or fuck them or torture them or kill them. But you at least get to watch them trying to please you. We like this. Plus they're doing it voluntarily which makes it totally ok. In fact it makes it better. We like it when people are trying to please us because they WANT to, not because we forced them to. Of course we are PAYING them to please us. Which makes them whores. All bartering arrangements turns both parties into whores. Even a bartering arrrangement for a blowjob. She's a whore....AND YOU ARE TOO. But, we, being men, we can beat the shit out of the female whores and they can't do that to us. So that's why only the women are called whores. Us guys wouldn't put up with THEM calling US whores. We'd beat the crap out of them. What the fuck, we do that anyway, but they still don't call US whores. If they know what good for 'em. HAHAHAHAHA. Where was I. So plays came first, and then at some point plays with singing showed up. For some reason. I have no idea why. People went to plays and they also went to concerts with just orchestras and/or singing and I guess somebody came up with the idea of having a play with an orchestra and singing. Ok. Whatever. If it gets you out of the house and the chick leaves the performance all lubed-up, what's the harm. Eventually the plays and the music and the singing, when they were all combined, were given the name "opera." There were no microphones in those days. And opera not only had singing - which had to be loud - it also had dialogue. which had to be understood or the whole story and the plot and all the particulars would get lost. So shouting the dialoge had to be loud. It was soon discovered that "singing" the dialogue enabled the actor to make the words louder. Singing is louder than yelling. And easier to listen to. So that's why opera singing is so fucking loud. Because at one time there were no microphones and speaker systems. Operas written today aren't so "warbellee." In those days dudes still wanted to get laid after the date so they took their dates to the "chick operas." This got results so operas became more and more soap opera-ee. Other operas were "guy operas." They were more fights and heroes and magic shit and cool stuff. Monsters an' shit. "Madame Butterfly" is NOT one of these operas. "Parsifal" is. Just because an opera is famous - usually because it is old or because the person who wrote it became famous for writing operas, that does not mean the opera is any good. A lot of operas are fucking shit. So if someone says to you "Do you like opera?"...you say, "Which one in particular." Because a lot of it's shit. Some of it though is kinda bitchin'. But that caterwauling singing style DOES take some getting used to. Especially since we now have REALLY GOOD MIKES AND SPEAKERS AND THERE'S NO MORE NEED FOR THE FUCKING GODDAMN SCREAMING!!!" Thank you.