Thursday, February 4, 2010

The San Simeon Seal Slaughter

Actually they are sea elephants. Not seals. Cecily has been wanting to see the sea elephants hump other sea elephants for years and so this year we went. She gets upset at me for watching porn but her wanting and yearning to watch sea elephants hump - basically rape - a harem of 20 slave seal elephant chicks.... this is ok. This isn't pervy psychosis, this is serious science and noble nature-watching. I want to watch an Andrew Blake porn with two beautiful women in beautiful surroundings amid marble columns and Persian-rug wall-hangings and vast palatial rooms of Louie the 15th furniture and hallways of black polished granite photographed with care and Hollywood-level professionalism, i want to watch these two perfect human female specimens lick each others' naked pussies, and whoa, i am a degenerate monstrosity not fit for life in an underground sewer in New Delhi. Cecily wants to watch a three ton piece of sea shit rape a 20 pound newborn sea elephant infant and then flop atop it exhausted for ten minutes and crush its little rape victim to death, that's ok, that's a pleasant afternoon on the Central Coast involved in the discovery of knowledge and the gaining of insights into creation. This year, over and above the common and everyday hazards to newborn sea elephants, which are legion, and perhaps a number higher than the number of atoms in the universe, there was the added excitement of a ferocious shore-storm with 25 foot waves and 80 mile an hour winds which pressed the sea in smashing, pulverizing ferocity into the, basically, box canyon that constitutes where sea elephants have decided to breed - PROBABLY the stupidest place they could have selected on the globe, a thin strip of beach with cliffs behind it - this storm that lasted 3 days and knocked down Cambrian Pine trees which have been standing for 300 years, also killed lots and lots of the newborn sea elephant "pups." You see they cannot swim when they are born. This is more of Nature's genius. A creature that spends it's life at sea is born on land and unable to swim. Oh, and another thing, if they lose contact with mom the only way they can find her again is by the sound of her unpleasant screeching. Which if 25 other unpleasantly screeching moms are unpleasantly screeching, the pup probably won't be able to hear mom. Oh, and if one of the moms whose pup died in one of a thousand different ways is approached by an orphaned sea elephant desperate for milk because it's own mom died or is down the other end of the beach - she won't adopt it. She'll try to kill it unless it gets the hell away from her. She would PREFER that it die of starvation but she will be happy to kill it personally if it persists on trying to get the milk from her which her own dead pup sure won't be needing. So on this day in sea elephant paradice over and above the raping and fighting and squashing of pups there was also the starving of orphaned pups by childless females who would rather kill a pup not her own than save its life. Oh and stepdad will kill pups all over the place too, but, to his credit, not on purpose. Just due to sheer stupidity. The whole race of sea elephants, males, females, and children, are the stupidest species there is. There is no doubt at all about this. They are a meaningless, revolting alien life form that deserves to be eradicated so that all memory of them is removed from the earthly record. If we don't do it the visitors from other planets will. They will know enough to do that. They will see this oversight on the part of humans for what it is: a big mistake, and they will fix it. The birth of sea elephants is always a great and exciting spectacle of infant mortality even in uneventful years but this year the storm assault upon the nursery brought the thousands of turkey vultures which inhabit the area like demons inhabit Muslims, it brought them actually down from the skies - which is the only place humans usually see them, flying the updrafts and never landing while anyone is near - this year saw them sitting on fenceposts along the roadside. There was no need for them to search the long California coast for something a seagull regurgitated last month, there was a banquet of dead sea elephants lining the shores, more food than all the vultures in California and Africa combined with enough left over for Rosie Odonnell, Oprah Winfrey and Kirstie Ally. The California Department of Sea Elephant Porn has constructed a long walkway that hovers above the long beach of carnage and carnality so that you can bring all your kids to stand and watch sea elephant boners entering sea elephant twats, followed by the ugliest fucking outside of a Ron Jeremy movie. It makes Max Hardcore look sane and bashful. I kept hoping to see Jap Zeros come out of the skies, low and in single file, straving the strand of smelly-suet-from-the-seas with machinegun fire until after the hundredth plane passed there was nothing left alive along the beach so that the thousands of nearby vultures could come on over and reduce the mess to bones without fear of being raped by one of the males.

2 Comments:

At February 6, 2010 at 7:20 PM , Blogger Bob Frapples said...

Now, if someone (the US government?) would gather up all these creme-filled sea elephant mush piles and send them to Haiti, hey, the food problem would be solved. Sea elephant burrito's, another fine delicacy from the cobwebbed mind of boB fRapPles!

 
At February 6, 2010 at 9:30 PM , Blogger jj solari said...

the nigger in chief says that chicago only wants cash. just give the nigger your credit card number and he will take care of you.

 

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