Thursday, July 16, 2009

Latest Thomas Kinkade Horror: The Christmas Tree From Hell

Thomas KInkade is the painter of the worst fucking nightmares ever put on canvas. He is also the richest painter in history. His puke-derived glittery pieces of shit depicting cottages where retarded faggot elves live, and small bridges made of
fairy feces crossing streams of fairy urine, and gazebos made of butterfly mucous in gardens filled with pyroclastic-colored flowers an idiot wouldn't sniff, are unfit for wallpapering a whorehouse. And all of these fucking gay outdoor toilet scenes all wallow in a one dimensional pale and pallid light of death and lifelessness, except for the lights in the cottage windows where the queer dwarves live behind the walls blowing each other and slapping their cocks together and eating the brains of still-living human children. Ya know, that's what his paintings look like: dwarf dwellings and dwarf yards painted in silvery troll jizz and slippery sloshy goat cum in the badly-lit ninth circle of Hell. Well, wouldn't you know, this piece of shit mother fucker who sells more worthless paintings than macDonalds sells fries, he has actually outdone himself regarding the creation of pure and multi-distilled pure essence of shit. He's made a 16 inch Christmas tree that if Jesus saw it he would immediately destroy the world, starting with Kinkade. The irony here is that this mother fucker claims that Jesus is the reason he is so famous!!!!! He "owes it all to Jesus." Jesus is fuckin' with you, dude, if yer readin' this. You're makin' billions but Jesus is still fuckin' with ya. Jesus if anything is saying to the world "this producer of raw crap is crediting me with his success, and ya know, you have to admit, it would take a whole trainload on ongoing miracles to be producing these sales numbers with this low-level caliber of creative sewage." This "tree" is a-mess with crawling individuals supposedly intimately essential to the beautiful story of the Christ Child Jew, destined to be flayed, sauteed, buttfucked by prisoners, and executed by impalement, and who was born in a fucking cow barn. Saints, shepherds, ducks, cats, elephants, dinosaurs, Cadillac Escalades, they are all in delightful progress up and down the goddamn tree of aesthetic death, going up, going down, on their way to or on their way home from visiting baby Jesus. The fucking roadway winding up and down this fucking piece of shit practically obliterates the fucking tree. I guess that's the idea: push the "pagan" aspects out and fill it with the Christmas aspects of the "holy toys of commerce" made in China by 5 year old children working so that their starved sick parents can afford a last and final cigarette before dying of slavery to the State. Nice, Tom.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home