Rachel Ray

Rachel Ray is about the grossest-looking troll on tv. She even sounds like a troll. She sounds like she has leather and aluminum siding in her throat. Her mouth goes ten different directions at once when she talks. You get seasick watching her
tell you about guava as her mouth crawls around the front of her face, goes off to both sides simultaneously until her lips whack each other behind her head and then whip back around again like two bullwhips. Her belly looks like a soft and eerie custard spill. And her tits would turn John Kennedy gay. They are not attractive. Even when you can't see 'em. And when you can - because she seems to like letting you see what they more or less look like - you find yourself looking off to the side of the screen at the seabass or whatever it is she is cooking because you need to look at anything else besides her goofy miniature-mudflap teats. They look like her chest leaked. They look like spills that need absorbing and removal. They ain't pretty. And neither is she. Her ass is never visible but it probably looks like a shapeless mass with a crease down the middle. It may not even have a crease, the cheeks probably flow into one another. She's in France at the moment. I have never been to France but I'm getting a pretty good idea of what France is. It's a fucking 800 year old village. There's food outside all over the place, like in a fucking sandnigger outdoor market in Tunesia. The streets are disigned for burros carrying sticks and they are lined with thousand year old "buildings" made of bricks and stone and wood that used to house hordes of peasants during the plague days but now are "exquisite" tourist stores and eateries where snooty fags try and convince you that you might not be good enough to eat there. There do not seem to be many PEOPLE in France. But the ones that are there are all white. but they're white Frrench people, so it doesn't count. The food arrives "in design form." In other words, there isn't much of it. you get two ounces of stuff with a colored liquid swirled all around it so that it looks "pretty." There are no fat people in France. It COULD be because the food sucks. But I guess the myth is that it is the best food on earth. If it is, no one in France is eating any of it.