L. Ron Hubbard And Jesus

Scientologists should not read this. You know how Elron ordered all of you never to see The Exorcist? This is sort of another one of those occasions. He had his reasons for telling you not to see The Exorcist and I have my reasons for advising you not to read this. Oh, look! Already there's a difference. He ordered, I advised. What will happen if you read this? The foundations of your faith will be undermined. Severely. Probably to the point of wrath. And since I know most Scientologist to be nice people, wrath is probably not a motivator you are going to be comfortable - or competent - to be operating in. I make a differentiation between ScientoloGISTS and ScientoloGY. Most people don't. I do NOT make a distinction between ScientoloGY and L. Ron Hubbard, however. To me they are one and the same. Now, the title of this little post is L. Ron Hubbard and Jesus. L. Ron Hubbbard had a problem with Jesus. At one point he said Jesus was an illusion implanted by some other people somewhere. If he did acknowledge Jesus' existence - and even the Jews do that. I mean Jesus existed. He's part of the fuckin' historical record, have a fucking clue - but Elron didn't think he did anything worth troubling ones' self over. In reality, Jesus actually did what L. Ron Hubbard CLAIMS to do: rid you of demons and render them powerless against you. L. Ron Hubbard does just the opposite: he lines them up and arrays them in all their glee and anger and enthusiasm to destroy you before your eyes, so you can see them, and then says only HE (that would be Elron) can save you from them. If you believe him, he pretty much is your master, wouldn't you say? The master of your soul, of all things. You see, Elron is not telling you fairy tales about this Xenu business that everyone scoffs at and has a lot of fun about. It is in many ways identical to the Creation story in Genesis. People laugh at Xenu. But they don't laugh at Lucifer. At least not as loudly. They give Lucifer some credence. But Lucifer and Xenu are basically in the same business: fucking-up humans. Elron says that us humans are embedded with tortured spirits of others. He's right. They're called demons. Demons are "bad" angels. They do not do what they are told. Humans are half-breeds; because THEY did not do what they were told either. Adam and Eve - godlike humans - fucked our ancestors - animal primates. Creating us; human idiots. You especially. When Adam and Eve were created Lucifer and his army of assholes got pissed. The new humans had an edge over the angels: not only were they super beings like the angels - they had bodies too. The bad angels could not inhabit Adam and Eve because they both had superpowers. Well the angels had superpowers too so that was no big deal. But the angels didn't have bodies. All angels think that having bodies would be GREAT. But the GOOD angels don't inhabit them. Because they're good angels. The bad angels said fuck that, that's bullshit, if we can get those two to lose their superpowers we can swoop in and have bodies to operate, we'll just, like, TAKE OVER! So they conned Adam and Eve and they lost their superpowers and God told them "Well, go start breeding, like the crotch-obsessed monkeys you've bonded with, you've already fucked things up to the max, I'll just fix it down the road" and meanwhile Adam and Eve are now humpin' a whole new species of halfbreed monsters into existence - us - and the demons went WOO HOO and in they came. So Hubbard's right: we actually all ARE possessed. But Jesus says, "Relax: if you believe that I did what I claim I did, which is conquer Lucifer and the bad angels because I am God Almighty, YOU CAN HAVE AS MANY OF THE FUCKERS INSIDE YOU AS YOU CAN CARRY and they can't fuckin' fuck with you. So why would they hang around? And if they DO hang around? Who gives a shit, they're assholes, whattaya expect from assholes, just relax and live your fuckin' life, don't listen to your demons telling you you have to be perfect and you cant do this and you cant do that, they're fuckin' lying. That's what they do. The lies never end with them, you have no idea. You can do whatever the fuck you want and it ain't a problem with me and it ain't a problem with God. Of course it might be a problem with the bitch's boyfriend if you fuck her. And it might be a problem with the owner if you steal his car. And it might be a problem with the kinfolk if you kill their relative. But that's a matter for you and them to deal with. As far as the guilt? Don't worry about it, I gut yer back, you are now guilt-free, motherfucker, and yes, that goes for Hitler and Stalin too. And even that Obama fucker who even I can't stand. And check those rubbers for holes, kapish?" That's Jesus talkin'. But according to Elron, you gotta go in there and root those fuckers out one by one. And for a price. Talk about a con. And talk about yer ironies!....with Jesus, it's free!. AND HE'S A FUCKING JEW!! GO FIGURE!! So that's why Elron insisted that Jesus never even lived. He can't AFFORD to have Jesus doing for free what Elron is charging your life's savings for your whole life to accomplish. I'd say Jesus never existed too. Just - poof - he never existed my friends, don't even investigate the fellow, he never existed, he never existed, he never existed. Oh, and those superpowers you once had? They're gone, fucker. No way yer gettin' 'em back. So make the best of it here. Use yer unsuperpowers, like Donald Trump does, those are pretty good, the unsuperpowers. Those other ones? The magic ones? It's over, dude, it ain't in the cards no more, faggeddabowddit, it ain't happin'. No matter HOW fuckin' "perfect" you become, cuz you ain't gonna BECOME perfect. You shit out yer ass, fa crise sakes. What kinda "perfect being" does that. None. Anyone says different, they're fuckin' with ya, fuckin' knock 'em out. The best thing about the Jesus Religion is that it's the best one even if it ain't true. If you PRETEND it's true it still works! Talk about coverin' all the bases. Thank you. Oh and, of course, fuck you. Please send me ten million dollars for this teaching.