Peeps

Peeps are the worst food in existence. They are small, soft, bird-shaped things covered in either sandpaper or glass. Biting into a Peep is like biting into razor wire. Under the abrasive diamond dust coating is a spongy amalgam of "candy" made out of an alleged marshmallow substance that is 3,000 % sugar. It is possible, if you are very hungry, to eat one Peep but it is not possible to eat two of them. Even children find it difficult to eat Peeps. I once saw a crow eating a dead rat in my driveway. I went out and it flew off to a telephone pole and I laid a Peep next to the dead rat and then went back inside. The crow flew down and examined the Peep and then picked up the dead rat and hopped ten feet away and set the dead rat down again and continued tearing it to bits. The crow found the Peep annoying and disturbing to its digestion, apparently. I have an unopened box of Peeps that I have kept on a shelf for ten years. The Peeps inside are still cushiony. They are probably no less edible than the first day they were made or created or voodooed into existence, or however they are brought into being. At Easter everyone is compelled to buy at least one box of Peeps, but it is not likely anyone ever actually eats one. They already HAVE eaten one at some time in their life and nobody ever eats two of them. But Everyone buys a box at Easter. This is an example of the dictionary definition of "perversion." Some others would be anal sex between men, cross dressing, liking Paul Moyer, and fucking a live goat in the mouth.