Why Jesus Is Important

Jesus was the first self-resurrected zombie. He was also the king of the zombies. He proved his kingship by raising other people from the dead. We have a RECORD of three. Lazarus, some little girl and someone else. Jesus brought them all back to life. What they did after they came back from the dead is not recorded. They probably walked around eating human flesh. At some point Jesus resurrected himself. Thereby proving himself to be the the zombie ruler once and for all without question. I don't know why everyone has such a big problem with the dude. He seems kinda cool to me. Maybe it's that Jew thing. That never works in your favor. I also don't understand why Jesus is never mentioned in zombie MOVIES as being the ruler of the zombie realm. Is Christianity that hated that even the king of the zombies is reviled? And yet all other zombies, they get lots of screen time. This cannot be a situation that makes Jesus happy. And so I say to you repent: ignore Jesus as the king of the zombies at your peril. He will gather his armies and hunt you down, I can assure you. The zombie wrath of Jesus will be terrible beyond imagining. Proclaim him zombie king now. While you can.