Thursday, July 14, 2016

Star Wars Seven



                                       "Feets don't fails me now!"

The Force Awakens is such a load that I have been tempted to write to Rober Iger, the head of Disney, about it. I figure I have some sort of cachet with the dude having actually worked for the guy that's now dead that created the place. On the other hand I might not have cachet with the dude worth shit.
     Anyway someone needs to talk to the fellow. Even though Star Wars Seven made I think 2 billion dollars. It still sucks. I mean at some point you have to realize you are serving a shitty product that people are gobbling up. You have to say "I am serving Count Chocula to people rather than Porterhouse steak. But I am getting rich at it." Is that a good kind of person to be? That's what I will ask Iger.
      Now, it's easy to call someone names. But if you are going to call someone names you should at least do them the courtesy of offering suggestions of how they can make things better. Both for themselves as decent human beings and for the ignorant masses who don't and never will know any better. You don't go down to where they are. You bring them up to where you are. This advice from the guy who wrote When Bikers Meet Humans. Right.
   So, what, then, is my problem with The Force Awakens. Well, where to begin. First of all, you will never again badmouth the first 6 Star Wars movies, made by Lucas, ever again, did I say ever again? ever again after you see Star Wars 7. It's like wandering from a mahogany, calmly-lit museum room carefully displaying Gerome' paintings and stepping into a first-grade classroom for challenged children illuminated by the noonday sun through isenglass.  It's a disparity of aesthetics.
     You don't really realize how wonderful the first 6 movies are until you see the 7th. The first six are panoramas of beauty and lush imaginative scenes, meticulously inventive costumes, characters, devices, to some extent dialogue, and the creation of a mythos, a storyline, a fable, all thought out. PLUS it had a few English actors to give the whole thing at least an impression that even all of this needed an upgrade from the non English actors. Excluding, interestingly enough, Carrie Fisher. Who is the only good actor in Star Wars 7. You go back to the first 6 and it eventually dawns on you that she pretty much was the only competent non-British actor in those.
    Star Wars 7 not only is a dreary sand dune of dust and raggy clothes, it is monopolized by a sweating negro who really has no business even being there. Really? A disenchanted Stormtrooper? Wearing his armor under his sweating face for 2 hours and fifteen minutes? To lead the battle against a Pseudo-Sith wearing a breathing plate even though he doesn't have need of one? And who whines and complains and has hissy-fit temper tantrums? With messy hair? Who God only knows who he even is? And he snivelingly takes orders from a gigantic hologram in a cave? Somewhere? From a mastermind who hires idiots to do his bidding?
    Oh, and the "awakening Force:" when did that occur? Not during Star Wars 7. Virtually nothing occurred during Star Wars 7.
     And then this ragamuffinly attired female trash-picker, who has spent the entire movie in hand-built sets made by union tradesmen in Hollywood rather than in CGI wonderlands...she's the daughter of Luke Skywalker? Also in rags?
     You ever notice all the Jedi Super Gods always end up in rags? And now they are being harried by a whining snot wearing a face-breather who doesn't need one? And who is about as cleverly evil as a bottom-rung heroin pusher?
     African American please. No wonder Palpatine had so much contempt for the Jedi. Who wouldn't?
     And speaking of good and evil.....there isn't any.
     There is a man who writes Star Wars books named James Luceno. One of his several excellent SW books is about Lord Plagueis and his training of Palpatine from his youth. Not a lot happens and when it does it is violent and brutal and merciless. The rest of the book is filled with long discussions about the virtues of the Dark Side. Very convincing ones. There are also long sections involving galactic politics and how Plagueis and Palpatine - cunning enemies of each other throughout - delude an entire island universe through lies and deception and not ever even needing superpowers of visible warfare but only using theier superior powers of cunning and treachery and duplicity.
     None of this is addressed in Star Wars 7. It is as empty and barren a movie as the shithole desert Little Miss Wonderful called home.
     Good luck finding a review anywhere of this movie equalling in accuracy and disgust the levels of them you just read here.



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