Hugging Men

I do not hug men. Hugging men is gay. Men who hug other men except in extraordinary circumstances are gay. An extraordinary circumstance would be "being released from an American prison or an enemy prison camp." A man may hug another man at that time and not be being gay. I can't seem to think of any other circumstances where hugging another man would not be gay. I think "being a prisoner" is the only strong enough to override "being gay." Even rescue from the sea, or from an avalanche, or from a cave-in is not enough. Only "release from prison" is strong-enough a reason to where the actual hug falls into insignificance compared to the reason for it. If your buddy falls into the sea and is lost and then gets rescued and he is hauled aboard and you are there you may slap him on the back. I mean IT COULD BE he got lost at sea ON PURPOSE just to get some hugs from men later. With prison?....nobody ever goes there on purpose. Unless of course they're gay already, then prison would be heaven on earth. But that hardly ever happenes someone receives word of a prison-stay as good news. Usually it is received as suicidal news. Hence the taking of the shoelaces, you see. Even the cops - who are ALL gay - know that the people they are taking to jail are usually not.