The Texas Flag

Ya know, the problem with watching the Style network is that it starts to affect you. You start to notice things. For instance; let's take a look at the Texas flag. It's probably the worst flag on the globe. It makes you want to really find - not the guy that designed it - but the guy that said after he saw it, "Yeah, that's great," and then made Texas, and everyone in Texas, have to live with it forever after. What's wrong with it? Dude: what the fuck's right with it. It looks like a killer clown designed it. First of all, even though it's red white and blue, which we, as the ten Americans still in existence, are comfortable with, since they are the colors of the US flag - these "ain't quite normal" shades of red and blue. They seem to have something wrong with them. They don't look like Actual red and Actual blue. They look like Pakistani red and Congolese blue. You ever see the "colors of Africa?" Africa, as a continent, has it's own colors. I think its green, yellow, and black. Or green, yellow and red. Anyway, those niggers you see around Venice beach that wear bathrobes in the hot sun and have them fez hats on, or some fucking Nelson Mandela fucking headband and costume that these Mooboola commies think look so swell because, even though they were born in New fucking Jersey, or Seattle, they think they are Africans: these people think that the "African colors" are nice. And, I mean, it's understandable that these "Americans" would have nigger-taste in colors. There's no mystery there. It makes sense. It's nigger. Where was I. So Africa has "colors." Red, yellow, and green. They look like fucking hell. The yellow looks like dried mustard, the green looks like gangrene, and the red looks like cock-infection. The Texas flag has fucked-up shades of colors too. It ain't a happy, bright blue. It's a kind of weird, faded, gunk-filled blue. And the red ain't red. It's sort of old, coagulated blood on a dead Mexican's poncho blue. but it ain't just the colors that are off. There's three rectangles, each one a different, ugly color. It gets worse. One of the rectangles goes at right angles to the other two. Like a fucking train wreck just happened. You get knotted up in the stomach just looking at it. It's, like, what the fuck?...who designed that?...a fucking aborted, aids-infected, drug-mommed nigger baby? Then there's the star. It's just "in there too." Now, I know Texas is "the lone star state." Nobody OUTSIDE of Texas has any idea what the fuck that means, but that's ok. What's not ok is that, if Texas is the Lone Star State, and that's the motto that everyone has heard about and recognizes - why is the Lone Star of the flag buried in the middle of a whole fucking nightmare of congested, twisted hell surrounding it? I mean, instead of being the main attraction, it's reduced to being just another pile of crud in the overall trashpile. I mean, here's the best thing I can say about the Texan flag: it looks like a nigger's back yard. Of course, you will never get any Texan alive to see that flag of theirs for the stomach-turning mess it is. It's, like, too much to confront without altering your entire investment in beliefs. I had such an experience when i saw two married Mormon friends receive communion in a Catholic church. As they got up to go down to the feeding area I wanted to run and grab them and warn them "No! You will die! You're not Catholics!! Only Catholics can recieve the authentically Consecrated and Magically Transformed bread and wine that is now The Actual Body and Actual Blood of Jesus!!!" But I didn't. I think I figured, "Oh, well, let them learn the hard way." If you are a Catholic you know that a non Catholic cannot receive Magic Catholic Communion of Jesus without being exploded into fire and flame and a big noisy bang right there in the church as an example to others not to try the same stunt themselves. But they went up and received communion and came back and sat down and left the church and went home and had dinner and went to work the next day and lived out their lives and seemed perfectly calm the whole time. I never got over it. I became a Protestant immediately. Now I do have to admit something: of all the crap I have said in this blog, this is the only posting that actually has me scared. It is not my desire to piss off Texans. I went to Texas for the first time a few months ago. I thought I would be pissed off every second. I was never pissed off once. Every stranger I met was nice as hell. That ain't natural. That's the only reason I noticed the flag at all: I said, "Texans all seem so great; why the fuck do they have the worst flag there is?" I guess I just want to try and make the State perfect. Hey, Texans, if you want to get pissed off at someone, get pissed off at Boogabama: I just want to improve the Texas flag: he wants to replace it with a lone star inside a crescent moon. Better to let me get to your flag before he does.