Creating The Super Race

Tom Bergeron and Shawn Johnson ought to be put into a breeding chamber and left alone to create the super race. They are about the two most well-adjusted, friendliest, easy to get along with, un fucked up, able-bodied people there are. She's a fucking perfect physical specimen and can move around like a fuckiing jaguar and he's working ten jobs. All of them high paying. This would certainly produce a better super race than what Hitler was thinkin' about, not to bad-mouth Hitler, Our Beloved Furhrer. But, Jesus Christ. Really. He wanted to breed skinny, pastey rib-slatted guys with strapped undershirts who smoked cigarettes by holding their hands upside down and daintily inserting them and extracting them from their mouths, and who wore suspenders, and who liked to shit on their sex partners. Who did he want to breed them to? That was never REALLY made clear. We all had a pretty good idea of the MEN he found attractive. But there was not a lot of attention placed on these prospective moms. It was always kind of vague. The closest you could come to an estimate in your mind was Valkyries. Hey. Breeding skinny white guys with no chins to armored mastadons: that ain't a super race. That's a fuckin' nightmare circus. And you know what? I bet not one person brought any of this to that little half-Jew's attention.