Ritz Crackers

Ritz crackers are probably the worst food item in the supermarket. These are the crackers your great grandmother ate and then her daughters thought THEY had to have them in their house and then their daughters thought the same thing, and for 4 generations women have been, like zombies, pulling a box of these horse-abortions off the shelf and making their families eat them. They have no flavor, they have no texture, they have no identity, they have no positive aspects that would make anyone not in a lifeboat want to eat them. They are sort of orange, they are dry, they are pastey, they fall apart if you DO do anything with them, like,holy shit, add something to them. What do you add to circular death. If you put jam on a Ritz you make the jam into a nightmare of particulates that takes all the enjoyment out of even the best jam. Cheese on a Ritz ruins the cheese. A bowl of Ritz crackers on the party table tells everyone at the party that you are a worthless fucking piece of shit. Apparently the new upcoming generation of niggers and wiggers, however, are ignoring Ritz crackers, which is probably the one good aspect of this cultural shift in America from white to black, and so the Ritz division of whoever owns them now has a new tv ad campaign where excited multi-cultural people at a party pull individual Ritz crackers out of a teetering stack of Ritz crackers. No one in their right mind, or even on peyote, mescaline, and angel dust, would think that this would be fun - to stack Ritz crackers on a dining room table during a party and take turns trying to extract one from the middle without toppling the cracker stack. In the commercial a niggerman, after a couple of people excitedly extract a cracker for themselves - which would be virtually impossible, by the way, unless you coated the things in Marfak to make them cohere on at least some atomic level - but the niggerman fails and the crackers splatter and scatter all over the table. Kinda like Obama toppling America by pulling the guts out of it. Hey, I have to work the motherfucker in here somewhere. Even birds after a hurricane won't eat Ritz crackers, no matter how batterered around they got or how desperate they were for food. Have ants or cockroaches?...just scatter Ritz crackers around all the plumbing and in those dark areas under the sink.